Strangers To Lovers To Strangers To Lovers?
by YouAndIAreForever
Summary: There is an amicable silence between Blake Lively and Penn Badgley until one day their paths cross and destiny kicks in.
1. Chapter 1: The Ex

**Okay, so I'm still in love with Penn and Blake's love, can you blame me?**

**Set this year, no AU element, everything that has happened up until now has happened in this story..but if you like, you could imagine it set at any time in the future...you'd just have to ignore a few small details.**

**Hopefully there are still some Penn and Blake shippers out there...reviews will help me keep writing this story so please let me know what you think and if you're still in love with them like me, but for now, enjoy the first chapter. :)**

Chapter 1.

The music was deafening. The crowd swayed and chanted with every word, every beat. The lights were a dim shade of rose. The song was moving, the kind of music that made you want to do something you'd never done before and never look back. Somehow despite the fact this band simply were not to her taste she had become one of them. One of the strangers standing among her. The effortless lyrics and the slow strumming of the guitar had encompassed her with emotion. The moving lights occasionally catching the sparkle of her engagement ring as her hand swayed and rolled to the music.

Her eyes drew from the stage, "same again, mate?". His strawberry blonde, somewhat disheveled hair flew around his face like curtains in the wind as he brushed passed the young couple standing in front of her. This man who perhaps didn't care too much about his appearance created a clearing in the crowd. Her eyes caught the man the question had been aimed at. His presence had been disguised and concealed all night by the young drunken couple in front, who had shuffled to the right to create a path for the strawberry blonde. His head turned towards his friend as he nodded in his direction. The strobe lights slowly glided over his face in that moment. A few stray curls were dangled over his forehead. She gulped. She stiffly turned to her friend who too had seen the same figure materialise from the crowd, her face said it all. Eyes wide and lips halted firmly shut. She turned away from her friend, her eyes back to the figure she daren't look at but daren't look away. There were a mere thirty or so inches between them. She was stuck. Feet glued to the floor and eyes fixated on the man in front. At the moment, he was blissfully unaware. Bobbing his head to the sounds as they rippled through the room. His black cotton sweater tightly framing his upper half. White cargo pants below. She gulped. Soon the disheveled friend would return, drinks in hand and another head tilt too far in the wrong direction and it would be game over. Their paths crossing again.

"Here you go, pal." Minutes had passed and she had barely moved. The friend had returned. He tapped on his arm to pass the cold beers to his hands. "I'll be back in a sec" he uttered, already shuffling through the crowd in the direction of the toilets. "Wait a second, mate, where are you going?" He yelled. You had to, the noise was overpowering. It was too late. Time could not have moved faster in this moment. His head turning further and further, his feet guiding him into a 180 to follow his friend pass through the masses. His slow and soft movements jolted abruptly to a stop. Her long blonde locks cascading over her shoulders. A navy blue v neck and black jeans covered her figure. Their eyes locked into a stare but just for a second or two. "Blake..".

"Hi." she muttered awkwardly, a little too quiet for their surroundings.

He swallowed in uncertainty. His lips pursed forwards as they curved into a small almost smug looking smile. Now the pleasantries were over with...what next? He took a few steps forward closing the somewhat substantial gap between them.

"Um, what are you doing here, you hate this kind of music?" He was right. The turn of her head signalled to her friend, Anna. "Wow, hi." his face edging backwards slowly in surprise. "Hi, it's been a long time.." she almost feeling more awkward than her friend. "..I love this kind of stuff" she confessed. "I'm gonna go..um.." she signalled vaguely with her thumb, twisting it in every which way. No idea where she was headed, she disappeared into the background as the song drew to a close and the interlude ensued.

Her eyes averted his gaze, catching sight of everything but him. The slight tension was palpable. He was coming over uncomfortably hot and suddenly the choice of a sweater didn't seem like a good one, but then was it ever at a gig?

"So how've you been?" not the most original line but it was the best she could come up with.

"Yeah, really, really good" he declared slowly. "I uh, I got married and...I'm gonna be a Dad" She didn't know.

"Wow." she paused. "Congratulations Penn." Would it be strange to tell him she was shocked?

"Thank you." he nodded. "As did you...and you're uh, you're a Mom. That's incredible."

A smile dispersed over her face at the thought of her children. Interruption ensued. "Sorry, went to the bathroom. Queue the length of The Great Wall Of China" Andy had always been a bit of a comic. Blake smiled nervously at the sight of the intruder. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't pleased to see someone new join the conversation. Andy's head wavered back and forth between the pair, quickly realising who was standing opposite his friend. This was awkward.

"Hey.." he stretched out his hand towards the curly haired blonde. "Blake Lively, nice to meet you." "You too" she smiled a genuine smile in return.

"So I guess there's no need for introductions.." Penn joked.

"Are you kidding? The Savages, brilliant film" Andy's ease and comfort at the situation was something to be admired. She laughed a small laugh. They all did. It was more recognition of his ability to make light of the situation over the statement he had made.

Penn's lips moved in a thousand ways, somewhere between a grin and a smoulder. For a second, just a split second, it effected her in a way it did years ago and in that moment a bolt of nerves struck in her stomach.

"Well it was um, really nice to see you, Penn." She nodded with a half smile. "Nice to meet you, Andy.."

His eyes narrowed in surprise. He wasn't expecting them to stand there for hours chatting but he wasn't expecting their meeting to end so soon either.

She turned, her back quickly facing the two as her feet dragged her away from her past. As he watched her blonde, messy curls dance away into the blur of people, the beats of a new song began creating an echo of nostalgia creep into his veins.

The flood of strangers slowly dispersed through the exits, leaving a trail of litter as they went. "Bar?" Penn looked over at Andy and shrugged in the direction of the alcohol.

Twenty minutes and three beers later the two men sat at two bar stools, arms sprawled across the bar chatting loudly. Blake had dragged her hair into a loose ponytail that was riding down her spine. She squeezed through the somewhat sweaty stream of people making her way back to her friend. "Blake, I'm so sorry, that was Mike, Ella's not feeling great, I have to get back."

"Oh gosh, are you okay?" Concern washed over her face as she grabbed her friend by the arm.

"I'm fine, he says it's nothing but wants me to come and check on her. You stay."

"No, I'll go with you!" Blake insisted.

"You just got two more drinks. You never go out without the kids, or your husband for that matter, just, have a good time, okay? I'll see you later" her friend kissed her on the cheek and made a bee line for the exit. Blake shrugged as she lopped onto her claimed seat at the bar.

Swirling the olive round the glossy martini she tried to enjoy the moment of feeling alone. She downed the drink in one and hollered for the bartender to fetch the bill.

His head shook to the left at the familiar voice to find her once again just a breath or two away.

He sniggered to himself before he rose from his seat to scoot over to the recently vacated stool that had freed the space between them.

"Hi." This time it's a little easier. The alcohol and the fact it's for the second time tonight almost makes it enjoyable. Whether he should feel this way or not, he's kind of pleased to see her again.

"Hi." She too fired a genuine and warm smile in his direction. The drink's have done them both a favour.

"So this is kinda strange, huh?" By this time, Andy has spotted what's going on and decides to leave them to it.

"Just a little." They're smiling and it almost feels natural.

"Can I get you another drink?" His eyes pointing towards her empty glass.

"No, no" she shrugs humorously, she's had one too many already.

"Come on, one more. We haven't seen each other in eight years, that's gotta be worth a drink."

The minutes creep by and before they know it it's been over an hour. Andy left long ago along with most of the others occupying the bar. The only people left are the drunks and the ones looking for a good night. They're looking at each other. The last signs of her laugh displaying clearly on her face and he's doing that thing with his lips that used to make her knees weak. He lets out a small cough and looks down to the ring his drink has left on the bar. The silence is long, it hasn't been this long all evening. Their smiles are quickly fading.

"I think maybe we should go…" he says with an ounce of reluctance in his voice.

Her phone buzzes in her pocket, you can almost make out who's calling as the light of the screen shines through the fabric of her jeans. A wash of guilt glides through her, she knows who it is. She shouldn't feel guilty, she hasn't done anything wrong, but somehow having drinks with an ex, the ex, feels like she's broken an unwritten rule.

The comfortable ease that had been sitting between them soon vanished. She gulped awkwardly as she watched the light from her phone fade away.

"Yeah, we should" she acknowledges.

They both rise from their seats in near synchronisation as Penn tosses a chunk of change from his pocket towards the bartender. This is the awkward part. It's swelling through their system as each fleeting second passes. Their eyes meet again, sharing a small exchange of smiles.

"Well it was um, really great to see you...Blake" he means it.

"You too, Penn." she means it too.

They linger in paralysis. He wonders what kind of goodbye is most suitable for this moment. A kiss on the cheek? Too intimate. A handshake? Too formal. A hug?

He leans towards her almost cowardly, reaching his arms out as she steps towards his torso. Her arms slip around his shoulders while his wide hands grip her back gently. He catches her perfume in her hair as his nose glides through the loose curls by her ears. He doesn't like the fact he enjoys it. The embrace has lasted less than three seconds and they are moving away from each other, their faces almost brushing against each other in the process. She gulps uncomfortably for probably the fourth time that night.

She's nodding in his direction with a small smile escaping from her lips. He's wondering how she's getting home, in a way any gentleman would. He's not going to offer to take her home of course. He contemplates asking for a good second, his head and heart are in battle. His head is sensible, he shouldn't. His head is impulsive, it's the right thing to do. His heart wins.

"How are you getting home?" She turns, taken aback. "I'm not...offering. I just, your friend's gone and…?"

"That's okay, Penn. I'll get a taxi." She feels the most uncomfortable she's felt all night. She knows he's not asking because he wants to, just the whole bizzarity of the evening is slowly taking over her and the guilt is setting in for good.

He watches her walk away for the second time that night. He shakes his head in some sort of disbelief. Thoughts running through his mind like fire blazing through woodland, fast and demanding. He brushes the hair from his face, downs the last drops of liquid in his glass and too makes his way to the exit.


	2. Chapter 2: Your Mom's Eyes

**Thank you to who has reviewed so far. Please if you are ready this story - let me know what you think. I'd love to keep in touch with whatever Plake fans are still out there! Hope you enjoy this one guys.**

Chapter 2.

Unlocking the front door, he whizzes off his sweater, throws his keys onto the nightstand and kicks off his shoes. It's been a long night, it's now 2am and would kill for a shower.

He gets undressed, throws on some clean pants and slides into bed. She's there sleeping, her long brown locks tossed effortlessly over the pillow. He loves how no matter what time he gets in, he never disturbs her sleep. His arms cuddle round her belly and he joins her in her slumber.

"I made you a coffee. I guess you'll be needing it" she wavered in a tone close to mockery. He laughed ironically as he swept the curls from his eyes and tugged on the shirt he'd thrown on that was ruffled around his waist. He accepted the drink as he took a seat in front of her, his arms resting on the island.

"Good night?" she smiled his way "I know you got in late. I waited up to 1 for you but….I couldn't wait any longer." Up until that moment he had almost forgotten about the events of the previous night...he didn't know if it was because of the alcohol or the fact it was so out of the ordinary it almost felt like a dream. He shifted in his seat as uncomfort swept through him. He had no choice but to tell her what had happened. They were married. It just was not an option to keep it to himself, even though it meant nothing. It would mean more if he kept it a secret.

"Yeah it was um….." he pondered over how to tell her. "...the band, they were….really great." She could tell he was distracted.

"What's up, babe?" She was so nonchalant about it it caused a strong current of guilt to wash through his stomach.

"Domino, listen.." he reached for her hand, cementing it between the pair of his. Concern ran through the lines of her face, erupting like a volcano. "It's nothing okay, I need you to hear me when I say that. I promise you." He was firm in his speech now. Looking deep into the green pools of her eyes, his thumb rubbing slowly over the surface of her hand.

"I ran into Blake. She was there with a friend, we...ended up catching up over a few drinks. It was nice, that was it."

"Blake….Lively?" She wasn't sure she'd even heard him mention her name before. Not at least in passing conversation.

"Yes." He was still firm in his tone and with the stare to her eyes. She was silent. Her eyes explored his face. She trusted him but she was looking for signs of deceit. Her eyes squinted briefly as the cogs of her brain made sense of the information. She was okay with it. He had told her, straight away. She wasn't worried.

"That's okay." She breathed, smiling in acceptance.

A huge grin poured over his face. "Thank you." Relieved was an understatement. He leaned over the island to kiss her, grabbing her cheek in his palm in unison.

She tipped a few extra berries onto her waffles whilst turning the page of the glossy magazine she was reading. It wasn't often she was engulfed in silence, the house completely to herself. No screaming, no shouting. It was delightful. She continued to munch on the sweet waffles and glaze her eyes over GQ that to be honest, she wasn't really reading until she arrived on the 11th page. It was undeniably him. His deep brown curls framing his tanned complexion. His stubble only enhancing the sharpness of his cheekbones. His light blue shirt only made his warm gold skin tone more prominent. There he was, smouldering at her through the page. A sense of unease washed through her. She'd done so well at not thinking about him since they ran into each other two months ago. She could swear she had thought about him only a handful of times since then. Her eyes with a mind of their own swooped over to his lips. Images flashed through her mind from that night in January. His lips in a tangled smirk, pressed forwards, smouldering. She blinked furiously. Hoping each time she did her memory would fade. It didn't. She snapped the publication shut and threw it onto the floor. Perhaps, a little dramatic in hindsight but, out of sight, out of mind.

The weeks flew by and what was March was now April. It was a warm 54', the sun was shining, taxis were hooting and shopping bags banged against each other as their owners moved swiftly along the sidewalks.

Hand in hand, Blake and James walked slowly through the streets, admiring the first few signs of Summer. James had been dressed in a cute coral dress with pristine, white Dior sneakers. Her curly blonde locks resting gently on her shoulders. Blake had placed her hair in a high ponytail that swayed calmly in the wind. Her orange tartan vest top was covered casually by her black linen jacket. Her white jeans clung tightly around her thighs, as her tank did her boobs.

"Mom, can I wear your shades?" Blake chuckled as she reached for her bag. Her daughter sprung to her tiptoes to look into the compartment. Huddled over the bag, Blake rooted around for the Guccis, neither realising there was a presence looming inches away. He coughed lightly. Both looking up, James almost looked as puzzled as her mother.

Blake's mouth parted open ever so slightly as her face exposed all kinds of emotions.

"Hi." she murmured. His company had made her nervous.

"Hey." he smiled. "Again."

"Mommy, who is this?" James' face was still screwed into a distorted shape, confusion mixed with intrigue.

"Um.." Blake was never one to be lost for words but in this moment she wasn't really sure what to say. "Sweetie this is...um…" Penn's almost bemused. "Jess' friend. You remember Jess, right?"

The girl may only be six years old but she could tell her mom was a little uncomfortable and above all that, acting weird.

"And his name is…" James' sentence was drawn out and rich with sarcasm.

Blake's eyes had barely moved from his. He could see her eyes twitching.

"I'm...Dean." he announced. Blake was more relaxed now, she smiled.

"Yes...and um Dean" this was weird… "...this is..James. My daughter."

His gaze averted hers as he stretched out his hand to greet the child. "Hi."

"Well hello Dean." This girl was not short of confidence. Their hands shook and Blake watched in wonder. She surveyed him. His stubble had gone from the night in January. He was clean shaven, his hair a little messier than last time but those dark brown curls were still noticeably visible. He wore a loose black tank and blue gym shorts.

"You've got your mom's eyes." he said matter of factly. Turning his attention from the girl to the woman. She was looking visibly distressed and he could see it straight away.

The pair stared at each other for a little too long, which was broken by the outcry of Blake's sister.

"James!" Robyn was waving at the girl from the store across the street, arms wandering crazily in every which way. James ran to her releasing the grip of her mother's hand.

Blake smiled weakly at him, "Do you want to...go and say hi?"

He shuffled on the spot, feet twitching. He wasn't normally a nervous guy.

"Uh, no. I uh, I probably shouldn't. Would be weird."

She looked disappointed. He could see it on her face. She grinned reluctantly, an almost fake smile as her eyes fell to the floor.

"Okay, well um, in which case I'm gonna go make sure my daughter doesn't start buying her own Gucci sunglasses." His eyes screwed in confusion.

"She was um, wanting mine, when you - never mind." She laughed, he smiled.

"Mom!" James was now repeating Robyn's actions from outside the store, her tiny hands wobbling maddly. Robyn was there too. Even though Blake and Penn were a good ten or so metres away, Robyn knew exactly who was standing close to her sister. She knew from the second she saw him standing there, shaking hands with James.

The pair had turned to face Robyn and the frantic child.

The ex boyfriend and the sister shared a genuine smile and a small wave from across the street.

He looked back at Blake, "I decided it wouldn't be weird." She chuckled, he'd always been able to make her do that so effortlessly. The two parted ways with lowly smiles. Their shoulders a mere few inches away from touching.

She was half way between their point of meeting and where her sister and daughter were waiting. She turned, somewhat reluctantly to look back at him. He scratched his head as he dispersed into the crowd. She gulped as a slight feeling of sadness washed over her.

Blake ambled into the store, spotting her daughter in the corner of her eye. You couldn't miss her. The only kid in the shop hanging an adult's dress over her body. Blake giggled at the sight as she made it over to her. "Hey.."

"Hi…" Robyn screwed her eyes at Blake, trying to make sense of the situation that had taken place only minutes before.

Blake shot a brief, half smile her way and looked straight to the floor, playing with the dress her daughter was holding.

"What was that all about?" Robyn was inquisitive. Blake wasn't in the mood.

"Nothing" her eyebrows screwed as her head shaked submissively.

"Mommy, can I try this on?" James tugged at the hem of Blake's jacket, throwing her eyes in the direction of the kid's changing rooms.

"Sweetie, I think that's gonna be a little big for you...what about…." Blake stepped quickly in the kid's section of the store and pulled a little turquoise dress from the rail. "...this one?" Blake grinned at her daughter suggestively.

James ran into the changing suite and drew the curtain. Blake was alone with her sister's prying eyes. "What?" she quizzed in response.

"What? You're asking me, what? Tell me that wasn't your...ex boyfriend!" she hushed "I just saw you talking to!?"

"Shhhh" Blake whispered. "And yes...it was….but we just ran into each other, that's all."

"Then why are you getting all funny with me?" Robyn grilled.

"Because...you're asking me about this while my daughter, who hates him by the way, is only a few inches away!"

Robyn was starting to buy it. "Okay, I'm sorry." She said defeatedly. "But wow, I mean weird?! When was the last time you saw him?!"

The curtain threw open, where the pair found the curly haired monster standing bravely in front of them, posing and twirling in her new dress.

"We'll get it!" Blake cheered.


	3. Chapter 3: That's It

**A/N: This is a short chapter, sorry, but the next one is quite a bit longer. I know my writing is not as good as it once was...I'm out of practice! As always, please do leave a review :)**

Chapter 3.

Ryan was setting up for dinner, an array of ingredients sprawled across the kitchen counter. Robyn and Blake sat sipping wine while watching Ryan fumble around with pasta sauce. "So glad you girls had a good day." he uttered.

"And it's gonna get even better soon, right James?" Robyn winked in her direction.

James appeared from behind the sofa, "Yeah!" she exclaimed excitedly.

"Thank you so much Robyn for agreeing to take the kids out tonight, we are...really looking forward to a night in" Blake reached forward for Ryan's hand and squeezed it gently.

"We are. And you can tell me all about your day." he smiled warmly at his wife. "Oh by the way, Jess dropped by earlier, she was in the neighbourhood and wanted to invite us to a pool party she has coming up."

"Sounds great." Blake smiled contently as she raised the wine glass to her lips.

"We bumped into her friend today, didn't we Mom?" James spilled nonchalantly.

Blake swallowed fiercely, almost causing her to choke on her drink, fortunately no one caught her anguish.

"Yeah we did sweetie. Babe, any help with the tomatoes?" Blake started to lift from her seat to make it to the other side of the island, Ryan pushed her back down in protest. "Absolutely not."

James wasn't finished. "What was his name again Mom? Dan?"

"No, no..um…." for a moment she honestly couldn't remember. Of course she couldn't remember because it was a fake name. Penn was his name, all she could think was Penn. "Oh god, I can't remember...some friend of hers, I've only met like once before maybe. I don't know James."

"He was nice, he told me I had mommy's eyes." The little girl had no idea what kind of damage she was doing in this precise moment.

"Wow…" it took a moment for the complexity of his daughter's remark to sink in. Ryan was confused and a little annoyed. Who was this guy? "What kind of friend of a friend, who you've met once knows your eyes well enough to recognise them in your daughter's?!" Ryan's eyes burrowed together as he gave Blake a rather hard stare.

Robyn felt the tension rising, desperately clambering at a way to save her sister. "Top up?"

"Aren't you taking the kids soon?" Blake shot a small grin in her sister's direction. She deserved more than that.

"Well yeah, but.." Robyn shrugged.

Not knowing when to shut up James continued, she was almost enjoying the conversation for some slightly bizarre reason. Maybe she enjoyed the mystery.

"He had brown curly hair, same height as Mom, same kind of age, he didn't stay for long. He knew Robyn though."

"He knew Robyn?" His eyes were almost squinted as perplexity was displayed all over Ryan's face.

Blake couldn't move, she was dead in her tracks. Telling Ryan just didn't seem like an option right now.

"I don't know, babe, you're really overreacting, I think his name was Dean or something...I don't even know okay. It's not a big deal." In times like this she was grateful to be an actress.

Blake looked at her husband, tilted her head compassionately as her eyes asked for understanding.

He threw a half smile her way, reluctant, disbelieving.

"Okay, time to go sweet pea." Robyn launched from her seat and waved for James to follow. Fortunately this was enough to end the interrogation. For now.

Soft music played in the background as the couple sat snug on their leather couch.

Blake laid her head back as she sighed, a feeling of contentment washing over her. The evening had been bliss, she had been feeling stressed lately and tonight was just what she had needed.

"So, when is Jess' party?" Blake lulled with her eyes blinking heavily. She hadn't even thought about the repercussions that were bound to ensue at the mention of their friends' name.

"Uh, next month I think, like May 15th or something." he paused. "Hey maybe our mysterious friend will be there."

Oh god, please drop it. "Maybe.." Blake countered softly.

"What was his name again?" Ryan uttered as he rested his drink on the coffee table.

"I don't know, um...David, I think?"

She had been acting well earlier that night, Ryan had bought her lack of knowledge and memory too, but she was tired now and it was showing.

"Blake, what's going on? Who is this guy? First you tell me his name is Dean and now it's David?"

She looked at him, her eyes trying to tell a story her lips were too afraid to utter.

"I don't remember okay…" she snapped.

Silence filled the dimly lit room.

"Wait, you're being all coy about him…..he said that James' eyes were like yours. He's the same age as you. Same height as you, knew Robyn and had dark curly hair..." He paused, the facts settled into his brain as the cogs turned quickly. "Fuck, Blake. Why didn't you tell me?"

Could she fib her way out of this one? Even if she could, she shouldn't.

"Ryan…" she reasoned.

"Blake, I can't believe this - you ran into your ex boyfriend" his voice was getting louder by the second "and didn't see fit to tell me!"

"It wasn't that I didn't see fit to tell you, I…" she stuttered. "I haven't even had a chance to.." she shuffled forwards on the couch to face him better.

"Haven't had a chance to tell me? What about the fucking conversation we were having earlier?!" Ryan's temper was rising. Though he displayed anger, he felt concern.

"I just...I didn't want you to overreact, like you are now!" She tried to reason with him but she knew it was a losing battle.

"I'm not overreacting because you bumped into him Blake, I'm overreacting because you didn't tell me!" He was standing now.

"I'm sorry, I…" she didn't know what to say. To him...or to herself. "I should have told you.." she said rising from the couch. "I just, I know when me and Penn talked, briefly a few years ago, you got….really mad and I didn't want you to get mad over something that happened by accident." She clasped his hand in hers. Her eyes seeking, approval, love, forgiveness.

He looked at her for what felt like the longest time. How does someone respond to news like this?

"So there's nothing else you're not telling me. You just bumped into each other, that's it?" He believed that was it, he was ready to forgive her.

Letting this moment linger would do irreparable damage. Lying would do irreparable damage. Telling the truth was the only option. It was the best option for their marriage.

"That's it." a smile erupted from her lips, disguising the hideous feeling of guilt ripping through her stomach.

"Okay." He sighed. "Just, if anything like that happens again, I want you to tell me. I don't want you to hide it from me Blake, I trust you and I hope you trust-" she couldn't hear this right now. She closed the gap between them and launched her lips onto his throwing her arms round his neck in the process.


	4. Chapter 4: Guilt Never Felt So Good

**A/N: Sorry about the gross ending of the last chapter. Also, it'd be really good to hear some honest feedback on the story so far. I'm already on Chapter 8 but I can always go back and make some changes, I'd really like to hear your thoughts - hopefully there are at least a handful of people reading! I hope this story doesn't move too quickly for you...but after this chapter, it's gonna start to get real good ;) Enjoy! & Don't forget to review! 3**

Chapter 4.

The smell of coffee beans and the sound of loud chatter filled the coffee house. Blake sat at a table for two in the corner as she watched the world go by. Her phone buzzed - 'going to be another 10 mins so sorry - kids!' Blake chuckled to herself - 'don't worry babe, see you soon' she typed in response.

She pondered for a moment as her thumb started scrolling uncontrollably through her chats, stopping abruptly at a particular name. She had been feeling somewhat mischievous all day. Somehow the guilt she had been carrying around all morning was unstoppably morphing into recklessness. She started tapping, slowly, hitting backspace a few too many times until she had constructed a sentence she knew she shouldn't send - 'Hey. Great to see you yesterday. Sorry our conversation got cut short. ...Anyway, hope things are good with you and maybe we'll catch up soon. Blake. X' - her finger hovered over the send button like a reluctant murderer with their finger over the trigger.

"Can I get you any coffee, m'am?"

The interruption scared her shitless. "Oh, gosh you scared me!"

"I'm so sorry, Miss" the waitress was more than polite when she realised who she was talking to.

"...It's fine, don't worry um...no, no. I'm waiting for a friend. Thank you, though."

Do I believe in signs? Blake asked herself, because if she did this told her not to send that text. Clear as day.

She believed in signs, but this time, she was ignoring them.

She pressed send and before she knew it a firework like display of emotions were erupting inside of her. Guilt. Nerves. Excitement.

She rubbed her palms against her temples as she struggled to balance the swing of sensations in her stomach. Unable to handle the unease in her body and the tightness in her throat she made her way from the table to the bar. "Actually a water would be great."

Blake was sipping at her drink when she saw the light of the phone display in the corner of her eyes. She couldn't make out the words through the distorted image the glass of her drink was creating.

'Hi. It was good to see you too. I don't know if it was much of a conversation, but whatever it was, it was nice. Maybe we can continue, whatever it was..Thursday night. I hear we're both going to be at that charity auction in the East Village. See you then, Penn'

Guilt never felt so good. A small, shameless smile erupted from her lips. She hadn't felt this dangerous in a long time, was that all it was? A lack of intrigue and desire in her life she had to resort to this? _This_ what, she told herself. All she had done was send a short, pleasant message to an old friend. Okay maybe he was more than an old friend, but the point was, her message was unobtrusive. Curt and uncoy. There was nothing to feel guilty about...but if there was nothing to feel guilty about then why did she feel like she could vomit in that very given moment.

"Hi! I'm so sorry I'm late, this always happens. I suck." her friend reflected. She couldn't have arrived at a better time.

Blake threw herself from her seat and launched herself around her friend, distraction was most definitely the best medicine.

The pair mingled, munched and sipped through the next 40 minutes. People had come and gone but these two hadn't seen each other in months and there was catching up to do.

"So, what is going on with you?" Marissa's voice was full of intrigue and interest.

"Not much...you know, the usual, movies, kids, husband blah!" Blake joked, she made it sound boring but it never had been for her. In so many ways her life was exactly what she'd always wanted it to be. Her friends' eyebrows twitched in confusion. "Come on Blake...there's gotta be something interesting worth sharing. Nothing exciting you can tell me about? Gossip with you is not what it used to be.." Marissa resigned herself as she leant back in the chair, folding her arms in protest.

The general catch up had finished at least a half hour ago and Marissa was clearly trying to squeeze out whatever she could from her friend's glamorous lifestyle.

Blake was silent, itching to share what her friend would describe as a Class A scandal, but she knew if she talked about it it became more real. "Nothing." she responded. Blake's eyes told a different story. Marissa pushed further. "Nothing at all" the last word exaggerated in desperation.

Blake inhaled deeply, her lungs filling with much needed air.

"Well...you might find it interesting to hear…." a long pause ensued, she didn't know how this conversation was going to play out. "I ran into Penn a few months ago...and again, yesterday."

"Penn as in...Penn?"

"How many people named Penn do you know?" Sarcasm fueling Blake's expression.

"So when you say 'ran into' do you mean ran into or do you mean, organised to see?" This topic of conversation had barely begun and it was already feeling like an interrogation. The judgement in her friend's tone was not going unmissed and Blake was already regretting the decision to open her mouth.

"Ran into. Twice. Total coincidence."

"Oh my god." Marissa's retort was dramatic and pronounced. She let it sink in. "Where?"

"First at a concert. The second, in the street - I was shopping with James and...there he was."

"Wait, what did James make of all this?" Marissa's tone fuelled with concern.

"She…" this wasn't getting any easier. "...doesn't know."

"What do you mean she doesn't know? She didn't see him?"

"No…" the pauses seemed to be getting longer "I….I lied and said he was someone else."

"Oh my god, Blake, why would you do that?!" On second thought maybe Marissa wasn't the best person to have this discussion with.

"Because...she hates Penn. Did you know, last year, when she found out about Penn...you know being my ex boyfriend….she stopped using pens at school!" Blake chuckled at the memory, all the while discomfort seeped through her being.

"Did you tell Ryan?"

How on earth did Blake ever think this was going to be an easy conversation?

"Blake...did you tell Ryan?" Her friend was suddenly a little less friend and a little more detective.

"Yes. Okay. I...did."

"Why are you hesitating? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Okay you know what, maybe I shouldn't have brought this up with you. Clearly you just assume I'm cheating on my husband and I'm in a habit of lying to my kids. Let's just...change the subject." Blake had snapped and it was really only a result of the guilt she had been carrying since this morning. And that guilt was ready to boil over the surface.

Marissa was taken aback, angered by her friend's outburst. This quickly changed into an overriding feeling of concern.

"Hey...I'm sorry. I overreacted but so did you just then and…" she could tell her friend was distressed about something. "If there's anything going on...you can tell me."

Blake sat. Still. Contemplating her response as her fingers rubbed the side of the coffee mug in an attempt to soothe her nerves. Talking about this out loud with someone who she knew wouldn't judge her could help her realise what she was feeling was nothing. Meant nothing. Then why did it feel like exposing her inner thoughts would be like confessing to a double homicide in open court.

"I just….when I saw him...I…." she stuttered, not sure whether to continue "felt...something. When we talked, I...felt something. When we said goodbye...I felt something and it…" she stopped, inhaled again and lifted her eyes from the table to her friend for comfort "...terrifies me."

A small, sympathetic smile dispersed on Marissa's lips and her hands reached forwards for her friend's.

She was sure Marissa thought her confession had ended, it hadn't.

"And this morning...before you got here, I…" God, could she finish any of her sentences without hesitation? "Texted him and I feel awful and guilty and deceitful but most of all, I feel...excited." The last word rolling off her tongue as if it were a question, complexed by her own musings.

She wasn't sure whether this declaration was making her feel better or worse.

"Okay. First of all...what did the text say?"

"Nothing. It was nothing. Honestly. Just...you can read it but it said something like 'Hi...good to see you yesterday, sorry we didn't get to talk for long. Maybe catch up soon.'" She sighed in contentment. The message was totally reasonable. No flirtatious quips or flying comments about how good his hair looked.

"That's it?" her friend's eyes widened, the intensity beaming into Blake's soul.

"That's it." Relief was not a feeling she had been used to in the last 24 hours but she could honestly say she felt relief in this moment. Her text could have been so much worse.

Her friend breathed out too, the magnitude of the conversation encompassing them both.

"Okay. Well that's fine. Good." she thought, "did he respond?"

The nausea came back.

"Yes. He said, the same, good to see you too and maybe we can continue our conversation at this charity auction next Thursday."

"A Charity Auction?

"Yes. That apparently we're both attending."

Marissa could see the fear on friends' face. "Okay, well that's no problem then."

"What do you mean?" Blake took another bite at her blueberry muffin that had been rather neglected through the interrogation.

"Well...just, don't go."

Blake stopped chewing, her teeth grinding to a simultaneous hault.

"But what if...I want to." Blake was being dismissive, a new approach she was trying.

"Blake you can't go if you're feeling like this! What do you think's going to happen?" The interrogation lamp was on again and somehow Blake was getting used to how to handle it.

She could feel his hot breath on her ear as he whispered how fucking sexy she looked. She slid her hand from her lap to his and pressed her fingers into his upper thigh. He grabbed her earlobe with his teeth and wrapped it in his lips. She gulped as she moved her hand up his leg as desire burnt through her veins. She let out a long gasp and told him to stop before someone saw them. He pulled away from her face but only slightly, close enough that she could still feel his breath on her cheek. She continued staring into the abyss ahead while he mumbled something about wanting to fuck her in the bathroom.

"Nothing okay. Nothing will happen, we'll just talk." hunger was ripping through her bones and Blake was feeling the need for some alone time.

"Blake I really don't think this is a good idea."


	5. Chapter 5: Most Of Them Were

**A/N: Okay, I'm hoping you guys will love this chapter, I have to say, I do. I think it may be my favourite that I have written so far (and I'm on chapter 10...!) As always, please please let me know your thoughts. Reviews are always the best :) Hoping this seems realistic...I can honestly see this happening (well like 90% lol) so I hope you can too (maybe one day oops). Enjoy!**

Chapter 5.

"Wow, someone looks dapper." Domino sauntered into the bedroom in the only way a pregnant woman can.

"Thanks" he smiled nervously in her direction as he fastened his tie.

She took a seat at the dressing table next to him, filing away the stray beauty products scattered on the desk.

"Um…look Dominio" he was serious "I just want to let you know that uh...Blake's gonna be there tonight. Complete transparency."

Her fast paced organisation came to a grinding halt. She took a moment to reflect. Was this important information she should consider carefully or was it just a passing comment?

"Oh. Um...okay."

He could hear vulnerability in her voice, not something he was used to from her. He knelt down in front of her and grabbed her hands from the dressing table. "Hey, it's not a big deal. I may not even see her, I just wanted to tell you, so you knew and hopefully were okay with it. I say that because I promised I'd go tonight and it's a really great charity Dominio, so I hope you don't mind me going."

Why hadn't he told her before about this?

"So you only heard tonight...that she's gonna be there?" Domino was looking into her lap with her hands twitching slightly in his grasp.

Fuck. Why hadn't he told her sooner? Double fuck. Seriously Penn why didn't you tell her sooner? He shrugged away at his thoughts before they went into overdrive.

"Uh, no, the other day. My agent told me, you know...word of warning and um...I was trying to find the right time to tell you.."

She wasn't sure whether to be unimpressed, worried or just...thankful he was being honest with her. She'd had to deal with a few run ins with him and Zoe in the past, which somehow never bothered her. She had never been the jealous type, but dealing with him and Blake, this was new to her.

"Okay...well thank you for telling me babe. I...have to say, I'm a little shocked. I mean, it's weird for me. Besides, you two don't really speak...and now twice in a year? Just...weird. Fucking weird." She couldn't help but feel confused, almost, resentful, why was this happening? Why did the universe keep throwing her husband in the path of his ex girlfriend?

"Thanks." He kissed her hands and then her stomach. "I gotta go!" he spritzed some cologne in his direction and made his way to the door. Her eyes quivered at the sight. Why did he use cologne? Was it for her?

"Just...tell me, if you guys talk. Okay?" She really meant it too.

He swayed his head almost mockingly, as if her question was laughable.

"Of course I will. Bye."

* * *

Loud chatter filled the stylish entrance hall. To be honest he wasn't used to being surrounded by so many well dressed people. He'd long abandoned a life of sparkle, glamour and high society. He felt out of his comfort zone, however, his ability to talk to anyone about just about anything was an asset he'd fortunately carried for some time now.

The chatter with his latest companion was wearing thin. The suave gentleman took this as an opportunity to make an escape. "Can we get you another?" The man's eyes indicated to the last few drops of champagne resting in the pit of his glass.

"No, I'm good. Thank you." The man moved away leaving a lonesome Penn with no aim but to let his eyes wander round the room.

Fuck. There she was.

Her long blonde locks rested over and around her breasts which were greatly exposed by the plunging maroon coloured chiffon dress that covered her tall frame. He swallowed hard. He hadn't seen her looking like this in the longest time. He couldn't draw his eyes away, they were glued to her like teenagers to gaming consoles.

Before he knew it she was wandering towards him. Purposeful and alluring.

"Hey…" she breathed in his direction. With each greeting they shared the connotations were changing. Intensity multiplying. Want increasing.

* * *

She laughed that teenage, giggly laugh she had and his brown eyes sparkled at the sight. They were sitting now and had been for some time. They'd found themselves on a table surrounded by other well dressed individuals, some flat out boring people, some rather lively ones who had clearly consumed far too much drink, of the acholic variety of course, and there were those that kept to themselves, seeing the pair were having a far too gooder time to want to socialise with any of the other guests.

"I can't believe you remember that!" She giggled, her fork shielding her mouth of food from the public view.

"How could I not, the image of that rather large, fat hairy guy will be embedded in my brain for all of eternity." he chuckled a familiar chuckle, genuine and warm. A smile dancing all over his face as he spoke.

"That dude sure was furry." she said matter of factly swallowing on a bite of salmon. "Here, try this" she lifted her fork, taking a piece of salmon with it and waving it aggressively before his lips. She barely gave him a chance to respond, physically or otherwise before she rammed it into his mouth.

He raised his eyes alarmingly at the intrusion. He chomped, he contemplated.

"Wow. That is…I totally should have ordered that shouldn't I?"

"Yes. Yes you should have." She nodded mockingly at his retort and took another sip at the champagne sitting patiently in front. "Mhm, do you remember that lobster we had, at that restaurant in Thailand?"

Reflection fuelled his thoughts and he was transported back to that night. The music. The view. The restaurant. The food. That dress.

"Yeah...that was...the best lobster I've ever tasted. Talk about an amazing night." His lips curved into what looked like a small smile...his eyes told a different story.

"It was...pretty incredible. I mean, the whole night was." She smirked, treading on dangerous territory, something a sober Blake would have resisted. But she was far from sober and she was almost enjoying playing with fire.

He pursed his lips in a twisted grin, he knew exactly what she was referring to. He nodded, slowly, considering his response. "I can't disagree with you. But, let's be honest, Blake most of them were." His words were so matter of fact. So painfully honest. So almost...tragic.

Her cheeky expression had rapidly morphed into what could only be described as a look of desolation; her eyes glossed over and her brain was deeply absorbed by the tales of faded memories.

'Most of them were'. He was wrong. They all were.

She gulped. She didn't know if she was enjoying this conversation or whether quite frankly she should be anywhere but inches from his body.

A loud tinkling chime sounded and all eyes were on the auctioneer. He muttered some words neither of the pair paid much attention to at first.

"And the next item we are presenting to you all tonight is this wonderful mahogany clock from the early 1900s…." the auctioneer's excitable monotone was drowned by the sound of Blake whispering in his ear. The fact her lips were only a mere few centimeters away from him sent shivers down his spine. "I think you should bid on this, I can totally see it in your place."

He turned to face her dramatically, forgetting how close her face was to his and wishing he'd kept his eyes on the auctioneer. Feeling dangerously pleased with the new found proximity, he responded playfully, "How do you know what my apartment looks like?" His eyes searched hers, his face poised awaiting a response. He'd be lying if he said a part of him didn't want her and him alone in his place right now. Fucking wine, he groaned to himself.

"Well, I just imagine it would go with your stuff. I do know you, you know." Her retort was confident, her eyes trying to beat the battle his had begun.

Stop looking at her, he told himself quickly. He tore his eyes away from hers, they were persuasive, demanding, tempting.

"You do…" he took another well required swig of alcohol. Downing a large proportion in a sizable gulp.

"Wow. Steady on there, Penn" she teased.

"I need it." he explained, allowing his eyes to meet hers again. They surveyed each other for what felt like minutes. The room could have emptied and they still wouldn't have noticed. For the first time that night they were engrossed. They had totally succumbed to temptation's dangerous mercy. And dangerous it was.

"$1,000. Any more bidders?...Going once, going tw-"

Blake threw the bidding card brashly into the air, almost knocking her drink in the process. "$1,200" she declared confidently.

"Are- are you kidding?" He remarked jokingly, his eyes still latched to her face.

"Relax. I'll pay for it" she pushed her slim hand against his bicep, sending his body to this side in the process.

He looked at her sarcastically, light humour mixed through the lines of his face and the curl of his lips. He hated how much he wanted her to do that again. Or maybe, leave her hand there for a little longer.

"You make me laugh." He blurted. His rationale was slipping.

She gazed over at him, his genuine, crooked smile sending her heart into overdrive. How could things change so quickly she wondered. She honestly hadn't thought about him in years, not looked back in years. How could in what felt like the blink of an eye, this man go from being an almost complete stranger to someone, she was so nearly...longing for.

She swallowed hard as the words continued to ripple through her consciousness. A domino effect ensued and as realisation hit harder and harder her throat began to dry and her smile began to fade. How could she respond to that? What words could meet her desire to remain on safe territory with her husband but yet still allow her to enjoy her indecorous evening with her ex.

Their eyes locked once again as they searched for understanding, a mutual craving, equal lust.

"$1,700, any more bidders? Any more….going once, go-"

Somehow Blake was able to multitask in this moment. Her whole body fixated on the man next to her, apart from her ears, still thick deep in the auction.

Throwing her bidding card in the air for the second time she sealed the deal. The clock was hers, his.

"You really bought that for me?" It was more of a rhetorical question, of course he wouldn't allow her to pay.

"Well...actually...it's growing on me. I think I'll keep it." She shot an almost provocative glance his way and she wasn't sure his lips had moved from their suggestive grin.

"Well, what if I want it?" His lips were playful but his eyes were serious.

"And why is that?" She moved her elbow to rest on the table as she delictly planted her chin into the palm of her hand, her eyes scanning his, begging him to continue their game of suggestion.

"Because...it has sentimental value now."

She swallowed hard once again and her eyes widened slowly as the enormity of his words sunk into her soul.

"I tell you what, you buy me the clock and I'll get something for you. Then that way we can both have something sentimental to take away from tonight…" he offered matter of factly. Both of them ignoring the fact they were seriously over the line at this point.

"Okay, deal." She reached out her hand, her fingers twitching in anticipation.

He shot a cheeky smile her way and met her hand with his. Their fingers and palms clasping desperately together as they stared eagerly into each other's eyes.

* * *

It was the end of the evening now, numerous attendees had left the building and Penn and Blake were the only two left at their table. "Wanna go for a walk?" he tilted his head in the direction of the door and smiled warmly at her. The pair lifted from their seats and headed for the exit where he placed his hand on the base of her back leading her out of the building.


	6. Chapter 6: Maybe They Never Had

**A/N: Okay, not gonna lie - I forgot how much I love this chapter. The story's really getting going now and I hope you like it as much as I am pleased with it so far. As always, if you're reading this - let me know your thoughts. Also, I've just looked at the stats and am amazed with how many people have read this story so far so thank you, and come say hello please and tell me what you think :) P.S. Hope everyone is staying safe ... and in case you hadn't gathered, in this story the corona virus does not exist!**

Chapter 6.

The pair had sobered up a little now as the cold Manhattan air had seeped through to their lungs. "So, how's your Mom?" Blake shifted her head towards him, displaying true care and concern through her complexion.

"She's doing great. She's taken up Yoga which she utterly adores." He chuckled softly at the thought, his eyes following his slow footsteps.

"Wow...I can totally see your Mom doing that!" They smiled in unison as Blake gathered a small stray hair from her face and placed it gently behind her ear.

"What about you - how's your family?" His words were almost endearing, they were so clearly full of compassion it struck a chord with her heart strings.

"All pretty good...it's so nice, Robyn's been staying with us for a few days, she left today but it's been amazing having her around." Blake's arms twitched ever so slightly, her movement almost unrecognisable, but, he noticed.

"Here.." he proceeded to remove his jacket from his broad shoulders and tentatively but firmly placed it over hers, his fingertips grazing her arms in the process. She shivered at the feeling, having his hands there felt so intimate.

"Thanks" she looked up at his deep brown eyes as they watched her closely. Their eyes began speaking a language of their own that neither of them dared translate.

"So tell me, how was Ryan after you told him about our various run ins? Did you have to endure days of silence?" he mocked.

She pondered, if he was asking her how Ryan had taken it that must mean that he told Domino? If he had, did that mean it had meant more to her than him? Stop overthinking Blake and answer the damn question.

"He….was fine. He was fine."

He looked at her. It was a simple look of sheer disbelief. "C'mon Blake, you really think I can't tell when you're lying?"

Why was it almost everything he had said to her tonight terrified her? Almost every sentence he had strung together had had some form of effect on her. She never would have imagined seeing him again would have affected her this way, she had really thought, really and truly thought, he wasn't the one.

"I guess I forgot you could do that" she murmured nonchalantly. She sighed. All evening they'd been playing with fire, overstepping lines and blurring physical boundaries. But now was the time for some clarity, some potentially life shattering clarity. Words not hidden behind sexual innuendo or playful banter. This was the cold hard truth.

"I….I didn't tell him. Or at least, I didn't tell him about the first time. I just...didn't. Then about last week, James told Ryan we'd ran into someone I knew, he wanted to know who it was...it was all...downhill from there."

"Uh, wow Blake." the reality was sinking in. This wasn't a small thing they were doing. The fact she hadn't told him actually meant something and he'd be lying if he said deep down he didn't want it to. He scratched his head in confusion "That's um…" he was struggling to contemplate the new found knowledge that his ex girlfriend had not once, but twice chosen to not tell her husband she'd seen him. That was a problem. "...Why?"

Such a simple word but it demanded such an unsimple answer.

"Because…" she took a deep breath, inhaling a concoction of air and courage "...I didn't know how he would react and I didn't want him to get mad over something that didn't really matter." Her eyes were still plastered to the city streets, she daren't look into his eyes for fear they would have judgement written all over them.

"Yeah but Blake, lying to your husband about seeing your ex boyfriend...I mean, I'm not meaning to judge but….I just can't help but feel if it didn't mean anything to you at all, you would have told him."

Blake chewed her lips as her fingers played with the silk of her dress.

He gave up waiting for a response "Or at least...did you tell him about tonight?" he looked over at her, his chocolate brown eyes were piercing, roaming the lines of her face for some kind of response, some kind of explanation.

Suddenly she felt the desperate need for more alcohol. Some sort of dutch courage to get her through this conversation.

She looked at him, their eyes met for the second time since they'd stepped outside and their feet slowly ground to a halt. Her eyes were seeking sympathy and understanding, they were almost apologetic. "I…." she hesitated, her parted lips came together in an almost guilt stricken pout. "No." she shook her head. "No, I didn't."

"God Blake" he was shaking his head too but not for the same reason. He let a quiet tut escape from his lips as he ran the palm of his hand through his thick brown hair. "I can't believe you didn't tell him."

She didn't appreciate the look he had on his face and her apologetic expression was soon turning into one of anger. "Hey, I don't appreciate you looking at me like that and judging me. Just because I didn't tell my husband about all this doesn't mean there's something going on between us."

Each time she spoke he found himself feeling even more irritated. "Trust me, I know, that's why it doesn't make any sense to me. I mean, I told Domino and she was fine."

"Well good for you!" Blake was getting hot under the collar, causing a hint of sarcasm to run through her lips.

"Look Blake, there's no need to be sarcastic. I just don't want you...you know. Thinking things you shouldn't."

"Like what?" He had angered her now and she was ready for a fight.

He gazed at her, his eyes telling her to drop this game she seemed to have started to play.

"Like what Penn, what would I think?" she was inquisitive and she wasn't letting this go unresolved.

He was exasperated at this point. He looked down to the pavement below him and twitched his feet as he contemplated his response. "Like nothing, Blake."

Air darted out of her nose, she was unimpressed and starting to feel manipulated.

"Like nothing? I think what you really mean is you don't want me getting the wrong idea that…" her words got caught in her throat. How did they end up here? "Something is going on between us." her eyes darted away from his reluctantly as she began biting her lip, nerves erupting in her stomach.

"Look, we had fun tonight, I'm not gonna insult your intelligence by disputing that but, that's it. I'm married. You're married. We're both happy. I don't know why you're pressing this." His eyes and eyebrows convulsed in unison as he spoke.

"That's it." She really was unimpressed. "Okay so if that's it then why did you say that clock had sentimental value?" Her eyes were on his face, watching intently. Not afraid of the unknown, not afraid of avoidance or dismissal. She was drunk enough to persue this frankly, dangerous yet stupid discussion, but sober enough to reamain cool and not do anything foolish or irresponsible.

"Blake..." he was tired and you could see it in his face. He didn't want this conversation but neither did she, he was desperate to put their discussion to bed.

She wasn't backing down and her eyes searched his desperately. They were almost hopeful but he wasn't sure what exactly she was hoping for.

He sighed reluctantly and rubbed his face slowly with his left hand, pressing his fingers deep into his cheeks in frustration. Breaking their eye contact he responded, "we can't be talking about this, Blake. It's…" he sighed once more. "I think I should go."

Her eyes rolled slightly and she debated whether to press further or to let him go. He was probably right afterall. What good would talking about this do them? She knew whatever happened she was going back to her husband who she loved unconditionally, so maybe this was irrelevant. Maybe this night had been irrelevant.

"Yeah...you're probably right." Blake sounded despondent. She cautiously removed his jacket from her shoulders and stretched her arms out to pass it to him. "Keep it." He said spontaneously.

Her cold pink lips curved into what looked like a small smile, her head shook tentatively. "C'mon you know I can't."

He looked at her, grinning almost. "I know that...but, just until you get back to the building okay? Then...ditch it or something."

She smiled in response, her twinkling eyes trying to meet his. They locked eyes and in that moment her heartbeat quickened. Blood running fast through her veins. "Okay well it was...really great to see you, Penn." Her smile was soft, warm and almost broken.

"You too, Blake." He too was gazing back at her, his lips pursed forwards in an enticing grin.

Their words were resigned but their eyes were still latched onto that magic they still shared.

He gulped, saying goodbye to her had never been easy.

The lulling alcohol erupted inside her as she took one final daring step. She moved slowly towards him, reaching her arms out, asking him to meet her for an embrace.

His grin widened as he enveloped her around him. His large hands landed softly at the base of her back while hers made their way around his shoulder blades, engulfing herself in him in the process. Her chin rested firmly on his shoulder, her hair lying loosely next to his ear. She intended their hug to last only for a few seconds, 10 at absolute most but somehow, it didn't.

His right hand rested gently over his left while his thumb leisurely rubbed her lower back. She clutched onto him tightly as they swayed slowly in the street. He inhaled the scent of her hair, her perfume, her. Filling his nostrils he breathed deeply and he pushed her further into his grip. She tilted her head slightly so it was laying gently on his supporting shoulders. She ached to move her hands up from the muscles at the top of his back into his hair but her hands twitched in resistance. They stood there for what felt like an eternity, the enormity of the goodbye was overpowering and they couldn't break their hold on each other. Maybe they never had.


	7. Chapter 7: Love Me One More Time

**A/N: To the last person that reviewed, no you are not bothering me AT ALL. I love reviews, so keep it up! :) Re this story...I just wanna say, I think to enjoy this story and to believe maybe it could happen one day...you have to believe that it's _possible_ they belong together. I'm not stupid or delusional, I see they're both happy and that hurts, selfishly as a fan of them, but none the less, I get it, they haven't been together in a long time. But there was a time, many years ago where I was almost positive they belonged together. I know it seems unlikely now, and it probably is - but it's NOT impossible (i mean they were in love with each other once and as Penn said "we have something unique and special") so just try and read this with the mindset of believing they do belong together...and this is how it happens! x**

Chapter 7.

Penn had been feeling uncomfortable all day, though his thoughts hadn't been interrupted too much with those of Blake since the auction last week and his wife's pregnancy was going smoothly, life was good. He rephrased, life should be good. Domino had gone out for lunch with a friend and Penn had been home alone for the last half hour. He had made attempts at strumming at his guitar strings or reading a new script he'd been sent, but whatever it was, he couldn't concentrate. His mind was elsewhere, not merely focused on reality or the present, but lingering somewhere in the distant past. Lifting himself from his desk chair he wandered towards his closet, as he arrived he knelt down pushing aside his many bags and tatty shoes to find a small cupboard. He wrapped his left hand around the knob and prised the door open. Crouching on the dusty oak flooring he reached both hands inside and dragged a vintage black box from the floor of the cupboard. He took it back to his emerald green chair and placed the black container on the desk. He rifled through it purposefully knowing exactly what he was craving to find. As the urgency in his fingers distilled, they wrapped themselves delicately around a polaroid photograph. Steadily he towed the photo away from the box and swayed his chair gently to the left as he held the picture above his lap in front of his beady eyes. Though her long blonde locks largely covered her round face, you could see the unmistakable grin covering her red lips and the twinkle in her eyes. The hem of his pastel blue shirt rested inches below her hips, covering those long, sexy legs of hers. Her hand was placed firmly against his chest, her fingers tangled in the soft material of his shirt. He clearly hadn't shaved for several days and her right hand was sitting possessively on his rough cheek. His lips were tangled in a wide, toothless grin. His curly hair was messy and disheveled and his large hands were gripped tightly on her hips.

Penn's thumb rubbed the edges of the frame as his eyes were wide on the image that lay before him. He gulped at the sight, nostalgia creeping through him like an intruder in the night. He swept his hand through his hair as he leered at the polaroid that lay tauntingly opposite him.

* * *

Blake signed for the sizable parcel and took ownership from the delivery man's hands. She took it with her to the couch to examine it closer, propping it up against the leather. It only took a mere second for her to read where it was from. Her eyes started to waver and her bottom lip quivered. Her memory had failed her and she had honestly forgotten this was coming. She ripped away at the beige parcel wrap, like a small toddler would on Christmas Day. As the floor slowly piled with layers of wrapping paper, the artwork lay before her. It was beautiful, to be honest it was almost as beautiful as the sentiment. The reminder, the unmistakable truth that it so simply symbolised. She stroked her hand tentatively over the plastic covering, she didn't want to damage it or mark it in any way, it was too special for that. With simple and undeniable realisation running through her she had to steady herself on the couch. Planting both hands on the yellow leather she swallowed hard; but her eyes never stopped admiring the sight before her. She was transfixed, truly and utterly taken over by the enormity of this moment, the mass and the weight that it carried was something she was unsure she could carry for a second longer. Leaping from her resting place she grabbed her car keys and ran to the driveway, taking all her thoughts and undeniable truths with her.

* * *

"Blake, oh my god, hi!" Robyn's arms were open wide as she greeted her sister with a welcoming grin, though you could see the confusion that was leering behind her eyes. Blake stood there, standing still. Arms to her sides and a look of utter disbelief wrapped through the lines of her face. Her sister's expression quickly duplicated hers as she pulled her sister into her apartment. "Is everything okay?" Her eyes searched Blake's face, she needed some sort of clarity.

"Yeah, I…" she faltered, how could words explain what she was feeling? "I…" her face trembled and her head shook. Robyn guided her to the nearest stool and rushed to the sink to pass a glass of water to her sister who seemed to be almost shaking. Blake gulped away the cool liquid and looked deep into her sister's eyes. "Oh god Blake, please, say something." Robyn feared for the worst and needed some definition, where the lines were nothing but foggy.

Blake inhaled deeply, knowing she needed to utter some words to relieve her sister from the fear she knew she was feeling. "It's not...it's, everybody's okay, I just...think I need something stronger than water." She laughed a little and shot a playful look at her sibling. The air that escaped Robyn's lips could have filled several party balloons. "God Blake don't scare me like that." She scolded her sister with a whack on the arm and proceeded to raid the gin cupboard. As her sister fumbled around for her favourite weapon of choice, Blake sat in lonely thought. She could hear his laugh in her ear, she could feel his soft curls pressed against her cheek and she could see that daring look in his eyes, that look that said love me one more time.

"Wow…" she was totally taken aback by the pinkish print in front of them "it's so beautiful."

"It sure is." He didn't know whether he was referring to the art or her. Wait, who was he kidding, she was art too. He raised the card reading 182 from his lap and wiggled it before the auctioneer. Her head turned to his, she observed him, warmth radiating from her eyes...and her heart. She couldn't find the words, but her expression said all she needed to say. His eyes were on hers again and his lips contorted into that grin of his that made her melt each time she saw it. "Penn…" was about all she could manage.

His smile was still there and his eyes scanned hers a little too lustfully. "Now you can have something sentimental too."

The peach gin had been sitting in front of her for a little too long. She had neglected it for her thoughts. She could have sworn her sister had asked her name at least once but her memory was so distracting, he was so distracting. He always had been. "Blake!" The third intrusion was enough to wake her from her fond recollection. Her eyes met her sister's and latched on with everything they had, she needed such comfort in this moment. "I'm sorry." She drowned away several gulps worth of alcohol and plucked up the desperate courage to face the music. "Do you remember..what you thought when I told you Penn and I broke up?" Blake looked confident in her questioning but only someone who knew her well could see behind the facade and see she was secretly guilt stricken and fearful.

"What?" Robyn was so utterly confused, this was not what she had anticipated.

"Just, answer the question." Her tone was a little more stern than she would have liked "please."

Robyn lowered herself so her arms carried her weight, leaning firmly on the breakfast bar. She exhaled and contemplated her response, fearful of the repercussions it might have. "I...I was gutted, to be honest. I could see you two had something really special and you were so in love, you loved him so much Blake, everyone could see it. I thought you'd make it all the way but...then you found Ryan and you too are also incredibly happy, sweetie. I know marriage can be tough but, it's gonna be okay." She reached forward and traced her palm over her sister's hand.

Blake smiled at her sister, it was a half smile, a sad hopeless smile and for a second she looked so broken. "Sweetie." The compassion in Robyn's eyes was undeniable and true.

Blake's face quivered a little and her eyes blinked rapidly. "I know. I know, marriage can be tough, but it's been so easy with Ryan, everything has been...a dream. It's everything I wanted and...I've never looked back." The passion and strength that shone through Blake's mannerisms was so vivid. "I never...thought I would, you know? Breaking up with Penn was...hard, I mean it was the _hardest _thing I have ever gone through and there were times I didn't think I would ever cope without him. But I got through it and I'm here and up until three months ago…" Blake paused, this needed more alcohol. "I didn't need him. I didn't look back, not for one second but...I guess what I'm trying to say is somehow...now I know…" Blake's words fell to a brief standstill. "I made a mistake." Her eyes lifted from the granite table top and shot to meet her sister's unsettled expression. Robyn looked puzzled to say the least and Blake honestly wasn't sure how she would react.

"Okay…" was all Robyn could make out. "Okay...um...where has this come from? I mean I know you saw him last month sometime? But...this, this doesn't come from one meeting, Blake." Robyn shook her head. She had seen how happy those two were and there were times she had wished her sister would have chosen to go back to him, but she never did and somewhere along the way Robyn accepted that and grew to love Ryan in ways she wasn't sure she ever could.

"I know. So what I haven't told you is this...we ran into each other at a concert, back in January. We talked after it was over, had a few drinks, it was great. It was but...I was okay, after, it was weird and I could have let it take over me but I didn't. He didn't. The months went by and that's where you come in...that day with James, I couldn't believe he was there again in front of me. I mean honestly, Robyn, how do you explain that?" She didn't give her sister a chance to answer. "Then...last week, we both attended a charity auction in the East Village. We sat next to each other, we laughed, we joked, we…" the gin was calling and she took another much required gulp. "...flirted." Robyn could see how ashamed Blake was in the tilt of her head and the lilt of her voice. "Then we decided to take a walk, Penn got kind of...angry, I wanted to talk about what was...you know, happening between us and he was very much in denial of the whole thing. Then…" her eyes glossed over and she wiped a stray tear threatening to fall from the corner of her eye. "We stood there, in the street, hugging, for what felt like forever and I think for every second that went by with him holding me, I slowly combusted. And I am now the remains of that person I once was...he" she paused "_totally _consumed me." The sigh that broke through Blake's lips was enough to make the gin wobble in its glass.

Silence ensued, but after twenty seconds or so, Blake was the one to break it. "I have to call him."

"Blake.." Robyn reasoned "look, there's no need to overreact okay? You've seen him a few times recently and maybe it's brought up some old feelings but there's no need to be brash! You're married for starters!"

"I know...I know that...but, I can't change how I feel? And, to be honest I've been feeling this way since the concert...okay it was a more mild version of how I am feeling now and the other night may have just been a catalyst for it all but that doesn't change the fact that I….know in my heart...I have to see him. At least to then really and truly understand what I am feeling, you know?" There was no reasoning with her, Blake's mind was made up and at this point it would be like bargaining with a bank to convince her to change her mind. Robyn looked at her sister, her eyes were glazed over in concentration and she feared there was no turning back the clock, but, she would try and save her sister's marriage and for that matter, her family, one more time. "Honey, look. I need you to listen to me" Robyn's glare was intense and it quickly bored a hole into her brain. "You chose Ryan. You have three _beautiful _kids. You have a family. You are _happy. _Penn chose his wife. _He_ is about to have a family of his own. He is...most likely happy too. You didn't choose each other, Blake. You have to accept that. Besides, think about what it would do to your kids."

"Why are you saying this?" Blake's eyes were brimming with tears once again and suddenly she felt a little hatred for her sister brewing in her heart.

"Because, Blake...I don't want you making a _huge _mistake. He was the love of your life, I know that. Everybody knew that. But...you just gotta let this slide. Don't make a mistake that could ruin your life forever." Robyn was certain she had done the trick. That her words, her profoundly deep rooted words of wisdom would remind her sister of the life she had now and not to chase a life she had left behind long ago. Blake sat and scrutinised the words she had just heard that were etched into her brain. She tried to believe them, she tried not to fight them, but it was a battle she was pleased to lose. "No, you're wrong. The mistake would be not following my heart. And that's what I'm going to do and, I appreciate your thoughts, sis I really do but, this is something I know I have to do." Blake hadn't even finished her sentence before she was drawing her phone from her pocket. Her thumbs tapped away like her life depended on it. For a second she hesitated, she doubted her actions, but only for a second.

'Hi...I need to see you.' She pressed send.

* * *

"Hey, uh, hey man. It's me. Look I, I know we haven't talked in a while but...I've got some..personal stuff going on and I wondered if we could talk about it. Gimme a call. Maybe we can go for a beer? Uh...tonight if you're free?" The level of urgency was embarrassing. "Anyway, call me. Bye." He drew the phone from his ear and held it in front of his eyes as he ended his voicemail. A notification beeped onto his screen and for a second his heart stopped. The world stood still. He felt his hand shake and a small smear of sweat form on his forehead. "I need to see you" Fuck. This was what they called dangerous territory and he was in deep.


	8. Chapter 8: Tell Me I'm Wrong

**A/N: Hi lovelies, it's me again :) Hope you are all staying safe and well. Thank you as always for your reviews. I hope you are enjoying the story so far and most importantly, actually, believing it could happen...I like to instill hope :) Also, I realised this morning a potential discrepancy in the story...does Robyn live in NY or LA? It suddenly dawned on me maybe she lives in LA...therefore making what happened in the last chapter somewhat inaccurate. Oh well, whatever it is...she's in NY in this story haha! Also, I think there's a chapter somewhere, further back where Penn lives in an apartment...I changed my mind while writing this. I figure it's more likely he lives in a house so..just go with that if you see apartment written anywhere. Not much more to say other than, let me know your thoughts as always and I may have another story coming for you at some point...and it might be kinda hot, that's all I'll say for now...x**

Chapter 8: Tell Me I'm Wrong

It was almost 9pm and Penn was knee deep in alcohol. The much needed remedy to calm his nerves and lower his heart rate. He'd got to the bar early in a desperate need to get out of his house, the stench of Domino's newly found inquisitive nature was overpowering. After downing what was left in his bottle he ruffled around his jacket pocket for his phone. He hadn't been able to shake Blake's text from the forefront of his mind all afternoon. Her words running rampid around his brain, his thoughts totally consumed with her and every now again he couldn't fight the need to read her declaration. "I need to see you." He needed to see her too and for all the wrong reasons. His pulse was rapidly quickening and he could feel his temperature quickly rising. Images of her bare legs tied around his torso and her hot tongue circling his flashed through his head. He rubbed his temples firmly as he attempted to free his mind of his improper thoughts. "Hey, sorry man. Am I late?"

"Hey, hey no man. I...got here early." Penn got up from his seat to greet his old friend. They shared pleasantries and Scott slid onto the bar stool next to Penn.

"So, what's got you all worked up you gotta call a friend you've barely seen in the last 4 years and ask him to meet you that same night? Married life getting too much for you?" he joked, unaware he was hitting pretty close to home. Penn looked visibly awkward and Scott scowled at him in response, trying to diagnose the new expression on his face. "Seriously, trouble in paradise?" Penn sighed heavily and took another swig at the fourth beer bottle that lay before him.

"You remember Blake, right?" Penn's eyes were glued to his drink, he was quite simply too afraid to make any form of eye contact right now.

"Blake...your ex, Blake?" Scott was visibly confused and you could hear it in the echo of his voice.

"Uh yeah man. That Blake."

"Yeah, 'course I do."

"Uh well...we um…" Penn stroked his palm over his cheeks and lips as he prepared himself for the conversation ahead of him. "...ah fuck. I don't know how to say this. We…" his friend was being incredibly patient being as how the only conclusion one would have drawn from this was that the pair of them had sex. "...We've seen a lot of each other lately. Not...intentionally I might add but...I think um, I think there's something still between us." This was the first time Penn had even acknowledged the situation he had found himself with his blonde ex and letting it out made him tremble in trepidation.

It was clear Scott was unsure how to respond, thinking about his next words very carefully, he traced his thumb over the beer mat.

"But nothing's happened, right?"

"No, no. I mean we...we hugged uh, last week...We went to this charity auction, separately, without our other halves, we sat next to each other and went for a walk after and we hugged goodbye but it was no normal hug if you know what I mean." Penn's stomach was tangled in knots and he could feel the sweat forming on his forehead once more.

"Wow" Scott lay back in his seat in shock, perplexity drawing lines on his forehead.

"Yeah…" In this moment it felt there were no words Penn could utter to make himself feel more relaxed or at ease with the situation he found himself in.

The pair sat in almost uncomfortable silence for some time before Scott began his line of questioning.

"So...how does she feel, I mean, is this...thing you two have, mutual?"

"Yeah...I think it is." instinctively his eyes trailed to his phone disguised in his pocket.

"Fuck dude that's...I mean...honestly, I never thought I'd see the day."

"You can say that again." Penn almost chuckled at the realisation, he was dead on. He never saw this coming either. "So um, she texted me a few hours ago saying...she needs to see me." the letters of the word 'needs' drew out slowly and firmly from his lips.

"Jesus. ...So what did you say?" Scott's glare was fuelled with intent and interest.

"I...am yet to respond." Penn pressed his hands together putting fierce pressure on his knuckles as the weight on his shoulders grew heavier. "I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? I'm married. Happily fucking married with a woman that...I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. _Knew _I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and she's...pregnant with my baby and now…" he stroked his chin with his fingers and his lips pursed forwards in thought. "Now...I can't get Blake out of my head." Air escaped from his nostrils as the realisation hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Why me?" Scott quizzed.

"What?"

"Why d'you call me? I mean...I'm happy to be there for you but you can't really sit here and tell me we're still friends? Yet we were friends right about the time you and Blake were together. Now that tells me it's either one of two things…" Scott was smart, he always had been. "One, you called me because you want me to tell you how different you are now, or at least how different your lifestyles are and that you and Blake just simply are no longer compatible. Or two...the most likely reason I believe, is that you asked me because you want me to remind you how happy you were with her." Penn's gaze averted his but Scott was persistent. "Tell me I'm wrong." It wasn't really a question but somehow it came out like that.

* * *

"And that's the last one!" Ryan uttered as he made his way proudly down the stairs. "Have I ever told you having 3 kids is like having 3,000?" Ryan winked at his wife earning a half smirk in return. "Pretty sure it's always me telling you that." She uttered matter of factly, she wasn't in the mood for jokes. In fact laughing somehow made her feel even more nauseous than she did already. Ryan ambled towards his wife who had lifted herself from the teal couch and had begun putting the dirty plates away in the dishwasher. He placed his hands gently on her shoulders, massaging her effortlessly. "Hey, what's up with you? I sense something's off." She shrugged off his hands and continued filling the dishwasher. "Nothing, I'm fine." Ryan could almost feel the deceit ripple from her lips and vibrate through the space around them.

"Come on, seriously. Is everything okay?" He was genuinely concerned, making her stomach churn at the unwanted sincerity. She knew she'd have to roll something out and it wasn't going to be honesty.

"I'm just…" was this the line she was going for? "...worried about Robyn. She says she's not feeling herself lately and she called me, which is why I went round earlier and I'm just thinking about her that's all." Yeah, her sister, that's who she was thinking about.

"I thought you said you went over because you had lunch planned and you'd forgotten."

"I know I said that but I said it because she called me last minute and...I didn't want you to worry as well."

"So it's serious?" He questioned. Please drop this, she urged amongst her thoughts.

"No, it's...I'm sure she's gonna be fine. We had a long talk and...she'll be fine." In some ways Blake felt she was trying to convince herself _she _was going to be fine. As if each utterance would somehow slowly peck away at the nerves swimming around her stomach. She hadn't heard from him all day and it was slowly eating away at her. She was positive he must have been feeling something too. The way his arms were locked loosely yet possessively around her and the way he told her that clock had sentimental value spoke volume.

* * *

A good half hour had passed and Scott and Penn were in deep in their somewhat heated discussion. "It's just, when Blake and I broke up, I was so...lost. Life was not what I wanted it to be...I mean hell I was only 23, you know? We were kids really but...we did have something special...I...always knew that and I still know that to this day. But now I've found myself, I'm exactly where I wanna be. Honestly, maybe this just happens to people."

"What do you mean?" Scott was right to press further, Penn really had no idea what he was on about.

"Just like...I mean Blake and I had a great love, you know? I mean I can't argue with the fact that I was insanely in love with her. Maybe, seeing her again...just reignited some old feelings. Maybe that's just what happens when you run into an ex you haven't seen in years...but it doesn't _mean_ anything." Penn was trying to convince himself there wasn't as much to it as he deeply feared there was.

"Yeah I mean...I hear what you're saying Penn but, I dunno...I mean how long have you been feeling like this?" His words hit hard like a knife in the gut. Every time he tried to settle his mild panic with a hint of denial, somehow something would come along and wash the denial away like a tidal wave.

"Too long." His words were so unmistakably honest, so painfully true that Penn hated himself for it. He wanted Domino, every fibre of his being wanted his wife, his future. But why was his heart burning for his past? There was an uncontrollable passion beating through his chest like an unstoppable force. His brain erupted with thoughts from the week previous, he remembered her face, the way her eyes traced his so delicately yet earnestly, searching for meaning behind his insoluble exterior. The way her smile broke free every time he muttered something so innocently comical. That giggle of hers had always sent ripples of adoration to his soul. He was transfixed, lost in a world that was quite simply and beautifully hers.

"I'm sorry man, I gotta reply to this." Reaching for his phone he felt his breath caught in his throat.

"I'll give you a few minutes…" Scott placed a comforting pat on Penn's shoulder and made his way outside.

Time stood still and the enormity of this very moment was something Penn was not oblivious to. He read her words over and over, expecting, _desperately hoping_ to feel less each time his brain digested each single word. 'I need to see you'. But he didn't.

'My place, next Saturday? Domino's out of town.'


	9. Chapter 9: You Were Everything To Me

**A/N: Goodness me guys sorry it's been so long since I updated. I hope some of you are still reading. I am determined to finish this story, there's nothing worse than a fic unfinished. I've written up to around Chapter 12 but haven't added to it in months...I'll try and get back into it soon. Anyway, let me know if you're still here and still reading. x**

Chapter 9.

Reading his words sent a shiver down her spine, a tingle of lust and a smidge of regret. She was in bed, wrapped warmly around the covers that acted as a comfort blanket to soothe her unease. In the second it took her to relieve the unease from her body, the feeling of discomfort sunk into her system once again. She no longer had to worry about him responding, she now had to worry about what on earth she was doing. What _was_ she doing? She pondered regretfully as she watched Ryan amble around in the bathroom with his toothpaste. Relieved Ryan was fully occupied she swiped across the screen of her iPhone to draw a reply to Penn. Her thumb wavered reluctantly over the screen as her mind played tricks on her. Hearing Ryan finish up in the bathroom sent a rush of urgency through her system. 'Sounds good. 7pm?' She pressed send and quickly ignored the sinking feeling that this was nothing but a reckless mistake.

* * *

It was nearly 6pm on Saturday night and Blake hadn't been able to keep any food down all day. She had thankfully arranged for Ryan to spend the day with a friend and Robyn had been round to pick up the kids an hour ago. Blake was so glad to be alone. To have this hour of much required solitude before facing what had been slowly eating away at her for months was a relief. At this point she didn't even really know what she was going to say. Her thoughts had been racing ever since reading the words 'next Saturday' and her nerves were only reaching a in-formidable climax. Blake had been lounging around in her sweatpants all day but she knew she couldn't turn up in those. Or maybe she should, she wondered. Sweatpants had a hidden meaning, I have no interest in pursuing this, I am in love with someone else and there's not one bit of me that is trying to pull you back to me. ...Or she could change. Yes. She should change. Sweatpants may say 'I have no interest in you' but Blake still felt they were too informal for this pertinent meeting. Therefore she had two options. Get all glammed up which would undeniably give one impression and one impression only. Or, look nice. Nothing over the top, not some sexy dress that had her breasts spilling out of it or having her long, tan legs on display; and nothing so casual as sweatpants and an old knitted sweater, which quite frankly said why are we even having this conversation?

After over analysing her decision on what to wear for a little too long, Blake bounced up the stairs making her way to her closet. A little over 40 minutes had passed and she had tried on a grand total of six different outfits. She sighed in frustration, she was taking this too seriously and she _hated_ that. She hated how her choice of clothing felt so important and she had yet to even make a start on her makeup. 'Fuck me' she uttered to herself as her hands desperately clawed through the various clothes in her closet.

It was now rapidly approaching 7pm and she had only just determined exactly what she was wearing. She made her way into her bedroom to lift her phone from the bed and started to type. 'Hi...I'm running a little late...can I be with you in 45 minutes? Sorry'. She didn't have time to wait for a response so she threw her phone back on her duvet and took a seat at her dressing table.

Almost 30 minutes had ticked by and she was finally ready. Psychically ready that was. Emotionally she was far from ready. She was genuinely shaking and fueled with nerves. She gave herself one long stare in the mirror. You can do this, she muttered under her breath, while shaking away the burning shame that lay firmly in the pit of her stomach. She grabbed her phone and made her way downstairs.

* * *

She knocked on his front door, her knuckles trembling in trepidation. Her eyes were on the floor, she wasn't sure she wanted to witness his reaction as he opened the door to see her standing there. But there she was. Penn swallowed hard. Her tight black jeans were gripped harshly to her long, slender legs; her hair was held in a loose ponytail, with the odd escaped wave framing her face. His eyes scanned her body, allowing every detail to rinse through his mind. Her red spaghetti top hugged her figure loosely but it was tight enough to remind him of her sizable breasts. That tentative smile lurking behind her exterior made his knees quake. What were they doing? She stood there marveling his appearance, even though she'd seen quite a bit of him lately she was always a little taken aback by him, forgetting how effortlessly attractive he was. God he was good looking. She winced a little at the thought before breaking the stillness between them. "Hi."

"Hey.."

She smiled a small smile, an undoubtedly uncomfortable one but a smile all the same. He stepped to one side and watched her saunter into his hallway.

The awkwardness had surpassed a little and they were now both sitting comfortably on separate couches, drinks in hand. Non alcoholic of course.

Her eyes were anywhere but his; she took in her new surroundings slowly as she ambled over what to say. He was looking at her, trying to make sense of it all, his jaw clenched in concentration.

"Nice place...I can see your style has changed a little over the years." She wasn't sure if it was a joke or a statement.

He just nodded. He wasn't in the mood for pleasantries or passing the time discussing trivial matters. He had invited his ex-girlfriend over, at night, while his wife was out, there was a sense of urgency about him that she didn't seem to share.

"So you texted me, what do you wanna talk about?" His voice was stern and he looked positively uninterested in the conversation. She glanced over at him and she could tell he was deflecting. Even after all these years she knew what every expression on that handsome face of his meant, or at least, she thought she did.

Blake a was a little put out by the haste which was reflected in the crinkle of his eyebrows.

"When I saw you…" she was hesitant and couldn't help feeling all her anguish and words would just be an accumulation of time badly spent. "...I mean...we haven't seen each other in seven years, Penn. And we used to see each other _every _day. Without fail. You were the biggest part of my life, you were the _only _part of my life that truly mattered." He didn't expect her to get this deep so quickly. "I don't have another ex like you...you are _the _ex." Her tone was sharp and her stare was relentless. How could she be so brave to look him in the eye all the while uttering such complex, yet honest words? "And I guess what I'm trying to say is...I don't know how this is supposed to feel? But…" she trailed off and her eyes that were once so confident and assertive were now distant and disquieted. "...when we hugged...when you...held me in your arms…" she took a sharp intake of breath, "I missed you." He felt a pang of angst erupt through his chest and his palms began to sweat.

In the time since they had agreed to see each other, his feelings had begun to subside. His fear lessened and his rather lustful thoughts were becoming a thing of the past. He could look at his wife without feeling guilt or discomfort, he could fall asleep at night without seeing her face or feel her hair brush against his warm cheeks.

He couldn't make out her expression as it was somewhat shielded by the loose hair that framed her face and he was glad, her words were cutting enough. His lips were ajar and his eyes danced around her concealed face. "I don't know what to say, Blake." He massaged his temples as he searched for words to make sense of it all but he wasn't sure those words existed. She was withdrawn and he knew it was his turn to speak, but she continued.

"I want to know how you feel, Penn? That night...we can't ignore that, can we?" She fidgeted about in her seat and raised her legs to lay folded to the side on his couch. Once again he was lost. Lost in a world he didn't want to be in, he clawed around in his mind to find a way out but it was useless. She was there and she was persistent. He gulped, preparing himself for the endeavour he was about to institute.

"Blake, I...I'm married. I'm gonna be a Dad and above all that I'm...really fucking happy." It was so clear he was, she could see it in his face, he wasn't smiling but she knew if he was, it would be a real one.

"I know, I know you are and I am too! I have been _so_ happy. My life has been...perfect. It _is _perfect but I...what I felt the other night, I just want to know…was it mutual?" Her request was reasonable, her face was unobtrusive and her eyes were calming and sincere. He took a gulp of the liquid sat beside him, not that flavoured water would do much good.

"I think...I think what happened, with us, is normal, you know we...we loved each other once upon a time. Once upon a time you were…" he raised his fingers to his lips, perhaps a reflex from his brain telling him to stop talking. He didn't. "...You were _everything _to me, Blake. I loved you. I...loved you." Her lips were pursed together in a contorted half smile and she attempted to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. "And, you know, you're right...we were each other's world back then and that'll always mean something. I think…" he let out a wave of air as he scratched his head "...I think we just got carried away."

* * *

"Relax. I'll pay for it" she pushed her slim hand against his bicep, sending his body to this side in the process.

He looked at her sarcastically, light humour mixed through the lines of his face and the curl of his lips. He hated how much he wanted her to do that again. Or maybe, leave her hand there for a little longer.

"You make me laugh." He blurted. His rationale was slipping.

* * *

She nodded in defeat and moved a stray strand of hair from her face. Seconds later her eyes were back on his and he wasn't sure what she was trying to achieve. Their eyes locked and he wondered if she was trying to seduce him. That longing gaze and provocative pout from her lips used to send him wild. His jaw tightened as his hips pressed together firmly as he tried to make sense of her rather devilish expression. Those deep brown eyes of his had consumed her fully and she wondered if she'd ever fully stripped his name from her heart. Her eyes were now tantalisingly close to begging him to come near her, he could see it in her warped expression and he could almost feel the desperation radiating from her breath.

"I don't think there's much more to say." He rose from his seat in a flash and was already making faint gestures for her to get up and leave. She didn't deny him of his request and made her way to the door. Her visit was fleeting and she knew that was what they both wanted, deep down however she feared it wasn't what she needed. She swallowed hard and turned to face him one last time as she clutched her hand desperately on the door handle. "Okay, well thanks for talking this through with me." She smiled his way gently, halfheartedly and for a moment it broke his heart. He was acting like he didn't care anymore, like she was a person he had no interest in having in his life; and in many ways...she was that person. He looked at her harshly and his intense stare drove her to break her eyes from his and open the door slowly. Did she want him to stop her? Did she want him to pull her body to his for that fateful embrace goodbye? Or did she want to just walk out that door and never look back. Maybe all of the above. "Bye." She shot him a cold smile as her feet carried her out the building, with a piece of her heart still resting on his couch.

"Wait, Blake." She was now many feet away and that cold smile was now an inquisitive one, full of questions he knew he didn't have the stomach to answer. "You did mean a lot to me, you know that, right?"

"Yeah…" her nostrils were flaring and her smile was distorted. Not as much as you meant to me, she uttered under her breath. "Bye" Not giving his smile a chance to play with her heart or his eyes the opportunity to fuel her near dormant desire for him, she turned and she left.


	10. Chapter 10: I Think She's More Than That

**Hey guys, it's me again - I hope you're all doing okay and keeping safe. I'd love it if always you could let me know what you think of this one. x**

Chapter 10.

Several weeks had passed and what was merely confusion was now quite simply, acceptance. Acceptance that what they had shared over the last few months had been fleeting, a fleeting sense of escapism met with minute nostalgia. But it was nostalgia all the same and she still felt it, it was deep rooted in her veins now and dissolving it she feared was impossible. She stared at the painting in front of her, the pinky coral hues made her feel at ease. It was calming, it stilled the unsteady and ragged waters of an ocean of discomfort and distress that still lay resting in her heart. She sighed slowly as her eyes searched the picture desperately. Blake had told Ryan she had bought it at that charity auction because she felt they needed something to fill the empty wall in their hallway. It couldn't be further from the truth. She loved it but it certainly wasn't purchased out of a desire to improve their interiors. It was a purchase carrying great sentimental value and she hated that it did. Ryan even complimented her on it from time to time as he walked by it in passing; always sending a tremor of guilt through her chest.

* * *

Another month had ticked by and it was now a warm and sunny June. Blake had not long come back home after a long run and had herself draped over the couch with the warm breeze and gentle sunlight brushing over her frame. Contentment was a feeling she was getting rapidly used to after months of unease, guilt and quite frankly, slight temptation which had now almost completely surpassed. Denying her next move had anything to do with temptation, she reached behind her for the phone laying on the corner table. She pulled it into her line of sight and tapped away a brief yet playful message to someone she had decided to label 'an old friend'. Someone she couldn't see and that was okay but... still wanted to keep in contact with from time to time. Was that so bad? 'Hey...I just wanted to say I hope you're good and I hope Domino's pregnancy is going well. You'll have to tell me when season 3 of YOU is coming out!' Her fingers stilled in paralysis and her head froze in concentration as her next few words assembled in her mind...too far? She shrugged away her conciencence and continued her sentence. 'Proud of you. Bx'

He had read her message three days ago and had not yet, for whatever reason, allocated the time to respond, until now. He was sat, leisurely on the bar stool in his kitchen. His left foot hooked over his right and his left hand was orchestrating his spoon to rummage around his cereal bowl. All his focus however was on his right hand. The hand that held his phone. He really wasn't sure of the purpose of her message. Was it a means of keeping the communication lines open between them? Was she trying to lure him back? Was it more or less than his brain could comprehend? He bathed in her words, three particular words to be precise. 'Proud of you'. What was she trying to achieve? He had been mulling over his response for the last ten minutes or so, far too much thought going into what could only be described as a potential avenue for calamity. But as if by magic his thumb was struck into action and his words read as follows. 'Hey. Domino is good. We both are. Things are great. YOU will be next year sometime...and thanks Blake. Kind of you to say.' His message was so dull, mundane, so lacking in emotion or humour. Maybe that was required, he pondered. No, he shook his head. Why couldn't they be friends that were comical with each other? He erased his dulcet tones, loosened up, re-wrote his text and pressed send. His eyes lifted quickly from the phone and he clenched his jaw as nerves struck through him.

* * *

It was a couple of weeks later and Blake and Penn had exchanged multiple, humourous yet dignified texts; with little to no flirty banter involved. Penn was in the living room with a very pregnant Dominio. As he sat in his most favourite chair, he skimmed through the words of a script he had been sent. Domino was rushing to get ready as she was already ten minutes late to a lunch date with a friend. She yanked her jacket off the back of the couch and slung it over her shoulders, in the process throwing her elbows to the side animatedly and causing a huge crashing noise to erupt throughout the house. Penn's eyes ripped away from the script as he looked across to her to decipher what had caused the noise. He stared for a little too long at all the broken fragments on the floor before asking after his wife's wellbeing. "Oh..oh my god. Dom, are you okay? That scared the shit out of me!" He hustled over to her clutching her arm with his hand to steady her while trying to prevent his wandering eyes from flickering to the floor once again. "I'm fine." Her words cut a little deeper than she may have meant them to but she hadn't missed his clear concern for the broken object on the floor.

"Hey! Why are you saying it like that?" He chuckled a little, not yet aware she had read the troubled look on his face. Knowing full well the creases in his eyebrows were not only there because he was worried about her.

She huffed in response, her body trying to tell her mind to drop this, to not push further. "It's nothing."

"Well clearly it is." He wasn't angry but intrusive, inquisitive, he really didn't understand why she was so obviously angered by the situation.

"Because I can see in your fucking face you're more concerned about that damn _clock _than you are about me!" She was shouting now and he could hear the irritation running through her lips.

His somewhat comical expression had vanished in an instant and it had been quickly replaced with a look of panic. He was lost for words, unsure what he could possibly utter to calm the tense environment.

He swallowed. "Domino...of course I'm more worried about you than I am about an object, come on." His sympathetic grin was back and he rubbed the pads of his fingers over the bare skin of her arm. She shrugged her arm away dramatically as she paced away from his apologetic stare. "Come on? You don't think I remember where you got that from? You got it the night you spent with Blake! The night you were so tactfully coy about, Penn! 'Hey, how was your night?' she mocked "'Oh yeah it was fine.' 'Did you talk to Blake?' 'A little' You don't think I couldn't see it on your face you were lying to me?" She paused taking a moment to breathe "but I let it go because I figured you were once very important to each other and I trust you with my whole heart so I wasn't worried." His eyes were on hers and they were begging for mercy, begging her to stop because she was saying things he just wasn't ready to hear. "But then that clock turned up and you told me you got it that night and I knew...I knew it meant something to you, I could hear it in your voice…." Her lip quivered and she reached her free hand to it to steady it. "Does _she _mean something to you?"

"Domino…" he was quick to respond both in words and actions as he took a step closer to her trembling body. Could he find the words to convince his wife she was the one he wanted for the rest of his life. He knew he could...but could he convince himself the same thing? "Of course she does, I'm not gonna lie to you and say she doesn't, just like I'm sure all your exes mean something to you too. It's just...how it is!"

"It's just how it is…" she trailed off as her stinging eyes fell to the floorboards. "Then tell me this, have you spoken to her since that night?" How had she found the courage to meet his intense stare, how had she found the courage to talk to him about this? God, her courage blew him away. He tilted his head ever so slightly as a pathetic attempt to reason with her, but he knew it was no use. An answer was required and he knew an honest one was the only option.

"Yes." His voice broke in that moment and he hastily attempted at forgiveness as he asked her to stay. His request was denied and he was left alone.

That month had somehow flown by, it was now a hot and sweaty July and what was then a heated argument was now left as a tangible stench of denial and resentment. It had been their baby's due date several days ago and the lingering pregnancy was leaving a strain on their relationship. They hadn't cuddled as much, their kisses were far from long lasting and it seemed their warm words were attached with almost a hint of sarcasm. They were sat in the living room, next to each other physically but emotionally they were miles away. "So what was Blake to you?" Domino's stare was hard and her piercing eyes cut through to Penn's soul.

"What?" It wasn't that he didn't understand the question, he was merely taken aback by it seemingly coming from nowhere.

"You know what I'm asking." Domino's tone was cutting and it let a wave of unease float between them.

"Domino...I…" He really didn't want to get into this, she was clutching onto the night of that auction like a hungry mouse clutching its last crumb of cheese. He glanced over at her, his deep brown eyes begging for understanding and forgiveness. Her cold glare was stubborn and he knew once again a response was demanded. He inhaled a deep breath as he allowed his mind to prepare a reply. "She was...my whole life, I mean I loved her...back then. Years and years ago. But that doesn't mean I don't love you, because I do and I married _you _remember?" A sarcastic mermer fell from her pursed lips.

"Yeah because you weren't ready to get married when you were with her."

"No, you're right I wasn't but...look." He grabbed her hands and gripped them tightly in his grasp. "...I love you. I love you." The first was more like a statement and the second a reassurance. "Now….I loved her, _then_. Surely you can understand that?" He wasn't mad or angry simply imploring for her acceptance and love which right now felt so unrequited.

"I can...but Penn, I can't shake the fact you were gutted when I broke that clock, I could read it in your eyes." She looked to their hands in her lap, anywhere but meeting his adorning eyes.

For the first time in a long time he was struck by silence, words failed to encompass his mind and his thoughts were clouded with memories of that night.

* * *

He watched her drift towards him, in that alluring, sexy way she always did. Her eyes moved gently across the room, meeting anything but his own somewhat unchasteful stare. His lips pursed as he took in her figure; her lips, her legs, her breasts. Soon she reached his drunken gaze as she sat herself beside him once more. "Hi" his voice was tempting and deep and she could feel her organs burn with hunger.

"Hi" her reply was soft and sensual as she locked her eyes with his, both their lips erupting into provocative smiles.

* * *

"That's what I thought." The sound of his wife woke him from his deep and dark distraction. She got up to leave and he yanked at her arm pulling her straight back to the couch.

"Look. She's my ex, okay? I hate to say this to you right now but she's always going to mean something to me. She will always be someone I was in love with. I can't change that."

"And up until a few months ago, I was fine with that. I really was but...now...I think she's more than that" she paused, contemplating her next words "and...I think she meant more to you than you realise." She was stung by her own words as her jaw clenched and her eyes blinked away the threatening tears. He opened his mouth to bargain and reason with her but somehow no words came out.

"Look, Penn….I'm gonna go spend the rest of the day with my sister. If anything happens, I will call you but I want you to think about this." She was now almost a metre away from him and she was clambering around the living room to collect her belongings.

"Dominio, I don't need to think about this."

"Yes, you do." She turned from the door to face him, his broken smile and his watery eyes. "I'll see you."


	11. Chapter 11: I Guess I Was Wrong

**I hope you guys are still reading and still loving this story. I've worked on it a little bit more this weekend so I'll try and post Chapter 12 soon too. I found out not all that long ago that Penn and Domino have moved outta New York into some neighborhood I can't remember the name of. Anyway, for the sake of this story or at least so far...they still live in Williamsburg.**

Chapter 11.

How did he get here? How had his life gone so rapidly off track? He'd been sitting still on the couch for over an hour and had barely moved a muscle. He hadn't even been thinking. Not really thinking or at least, not in the way she had wanted him to. He had been lulled into a state of both denial and confusion. "Yes you do." How was she so sure about this? How could she read his feelings in a way he obviously couldn't? The past few months were slowly tumbling into his conciencence now, like a waterfall they flooded his mind as he scratched at his temples slowly.

"I uh, I got married."

"You've got your mom's eyes."

'Maybe we can continue, whatever it was..Thursday night.'

"So you only heard tonight...that she's gonna be there?"

"Because...it has sentimental value now."

"You're married. We're both happy. I don't know why you're pressing this."

"So...how does she feel, I mean, is this...thing you two have, mutual?" "Yeah...I think it is."

"...You were _everything _to me, Blake. I loved you. I...loved you."

"Because I can see in your fucking face you're more concerned about that damn _clock _than you are about me!"

He shook his head and in what she had perhaps anticipated would take hours of thought and conjecture, took only a few fleeting seconds. And that scared the shit out of him.

Feeling faint all of a sudden he made his way quickly into the kitchen and downed a glass of water. Boy though did he need something stronger than that. He began pacing round the kitchen and back into the living room where his hands began to twitch uncontrollably and he could feel himself beginning to sweat. Their baby was due in less than six weeks and he had found himself longing for something he thought he had left behind. Terrified, he reached for his phone, his fingers trembling so greatly in its hold he almost dropped it and let it smash into smithereens. Just like that _damn clock_. 'Hey. I need to see you. And not like before, we need to talk about this, properly. Let me know if you still feel the same. Penn.'

It was like he had jumped off the edge of a cliff with nothing but a questionable parachute in his grasp. Whether he plummeted to the ground or was launched into safety was anyone's guess at this point.

It was now twenty minutes later and Penn was no longer wearing a hole in the floor but had found himself pacing around Bedford Avenue, just round the corner from his home. He could feel sweat cling to him like desperation clung to his thoughts. He could feel himself becoming more nauseous and he was honestly beginning to think being sick was a serious possibility here. Desperately trying to see through his now somewhat blurry vision, he attempted to make his way towards a nearby bench. 'Fuck I hope a fan doesn't get a picture of me vommiting' he thought to himself. Or worse, paparazzi. There always seemed to be some looming around. Before he could make it to the bench to rest his quivering legs he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. A pang of adrenalin seeped through him causing him to yank at his shorts desperately and draw his phone into his somewhat clearer sight. It was from her. Relief wasn't the right word. It was a comprehensive blend of words, or emotions for that matter. But most of all, he felt panicked. His eyes had only registered one word so far, the one word his eyes darted straight towards. 'Yes'. He blinked, swallowing hard simultaneously and taking a moment to look up from his phone to the passers-by ahead to breathe. One deep long breath, before he continued. 'Hi...Yes I do. Call me back, Ryan's out tonight so - later is good, if not, just text me a time and a place. Bx' He took a moment to let the reality of this unpredicted twist of fate sink in, to let his heart rate return to normal and allow him to accept the situation he had found himself in. It didn't take long before he was itching to respond. 'Hey. I'm gonna need to talk about this with Domino...tonight. I'll text you in a few days with an address. Have a good evening, Blake. X' His words were so cold, so categorically lacking emotion, but he knew it was the right thing for now. He needed to allow some time to get his head together and to talk to Domino before taking things any further with Blake.

* * *

He lay in bed, he could see the light of the alarm clock by his side illuminate a small portion of the floor. He hadn't slept a wink, which filled him with even more trepidation as he knew Domino would be able to tell he was tired and she'd then wonder why he hadn't slept. Words from their heated conversation earlier that night were running ramped round his mind. "Look, okay Blake and I have a history. You know that. Seeing her again has affected me in ways I didn't expect, but that doesn't mean I want to be with her it's just taken some getting used to. I love you, Domino. With all my heart I do and...I know that you know that. Please, _believe_ it."

* * *

A few days had trickled by now and Penn was conscious he needed to reply to Blake. In fact, it had been all he'd been able to think about. How had he morphed into this guy who seemed to have two women waiting for him to make his mind up? It was like he was seventeen again. He shook his head violently, trying to drown his thoughts urgently. He couldn't think about it like that. He was married and he hated passionately how he was behaving. He needed to see Blake, to try to make sense of it all and pray to God that at the end of it he would choose his wife over her.

* * *

It was the 8th June. 5.54pm. She was due to get there in six minutes. Six fucking minutes until he could sort his life out for good. Put an end to whatever the hell these two were clinging on to so he could move forward with his life. To say he was feeling the most petrified he had felt in quite possibly his entire life would not be an understatement. Each noise of a passing car outside made his heart flutter and his stomach churn. He was restless, so restless all he could do was helplessly pace round his friend's abode, glancing at his watch every twenty or so seconds. Suddenly, he heard a knock at the door and somehow he had missed the noise of a car pulling up on the driveway. Fuck. He gulped hard. His throat was so dry he wasn't even sure he'd be able to speak, but then, he wasn't really sure what he was going to say anyway. Not now. Not now that he had had days to think about this. Days where each passing hour his wife had slowly begun to act a little more normal around him and that filled him with an undeniable sense of relief.

He was at the door now and his left hand was trembling over the handle. He wasn't sure whether he was about to open the door to his future or his past or maybe some bizarre concoction of the two. Taking one long, courageous breath, he opened it to reveal her. Standing there. "Fuck." He muttered. Unsure if he'd uttered it in and amongst his thoughts or audibly under his breath. Straight away her eyes were on him and they looked almost, pleading. His lips twisted around in an almost confused smirk as he surveyed her, taking in every inch of her being before plucking up the courage to say something. "Hi." His voice was slow and almost deep, but his greeting was also met with a warm smile. She flinched as she watched his lips break into what looked a little like a beam.

"Hi…" she was trying not to reflect his expression, to try and appear a little less than ecstatic but she wasn't sure that was possible, considering how she was feeling. His smile escalated uncontrollably and within a matter of a few milliseconds they were both loitering there, beaming.

Standing almost a metre away from each other in the hall, she was now a little too nervous to meet his gaze. Feeling too afraid to watch his face as she told him something she wasn't sure he'd want to hear. "I umm…" her fingers were gently interlocked in front of her stomach and her eyes were fastened on them intently, as if somehow they would give her the strength to continue. "I told Ryan I want a divorce." Somehow she found the bravery to face him, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to conceal his reaction and that his expression in that moment would say more than words ever could.

Letting a small amount of air escape from his lips he raised his hand to his forehead, trying to still the new found turbulence in his mind. Gulping hard, he prepared himself to speak.

"Uh...why?" Observing his face with fierce intensity she really wasn't sure how he was feeling right now. His thoughts so well concealed from her it made her fret with wild panic.

"I realized...I was wrong." His eyes twitched and his head lilted to the side as he watched her, confused.

"Wrong about what?" The depth of his voice and the dance of his lips never failed to knock her back a few feet. God he was sexy.

"I spent the last...almost nine years thinking he was the one for me. I did. I believed it and I thought...I really thought I knew it too?" She pushed her lips together in what appeared almost like a pout but he was used this expression with her and although he knew full well it wasn't a pout, he had always thought it was sexy. "You know how they say, you know when you know? And I did. I knew." She shook her head slowly almost in disbelief and laughed a little ironically at her own remark. "But I guess I was wrong. Because it's been hard for me to come to terms with this, really...really hard but I realized he couldn't be the one all the while I have been feeling a certain way about someone else." Someone else? Did she need to be so stupidly indiscrete? Of course he knew she was talking about him as if it wasn't the most obvious thing she'd ever said to him. Apart from maybe the time she first told him she loved him. She knew he knew that too.

Speechless. He wasn't normally, rarely in fact, but this time he was. He chuckled a little under his breath now, realizing he now knew something too.

"You know I uh." He stopped "There's this picture...of us. From 2008...I think." He moved his tongue to the side of his mouth preparing himself to continue his monologue. "We looked happy, Blake. We looked...so happy." He raised his eyes tentatively to glance at her, catching her eye he felt a pang in his heart and adrenaline seep rapidly through to his brain. "I um...I loved that picture." He inhaled deeply, "and after we broke up, I was going through stuff that reminded me of you and I um, I found that picture...and I told myself I'd keep it." He paused. "But _only _until I found someone I loved as much as I loved you. Then I'd you know, chuck it out." Biting his nail nervously he looked back at her, her eyes practically begging him to continue speaking as soon as humanly possible. He smiled, a small smile as he caught her gaze. "Then I met Zoe and I loved her, Blake. I was totally in love with her and pretty soon after working that out, I remembered that picture...of us. But somehow….for some reason that I could never understand, I couldn't get rid of it. I knew I loved her. I thought...I actually...still think, in a way...I loved her more than you." Licking his lips casually before persisting with his confession. "But I...I kept it. Then Domino came along and for a long time I didn't even remember the picture existed. You know, I haven't been lying in bed, every night...looking at it longingly under the covers…" they shared a small laugh and suddenly she thought she could see love pouring out from his adorning eyes. "But uh...I did. I did remember, shortly after I asked her to marry me actually and...being engaged kind of, reminded me of us. So I dug it out and walked all the way over to the nearest trash can and I stared at the picture for the longest time and umm…" stopping, he breathed. It was like he hadn't breathed in almost ten years. Reality dawning on him like a ton of bricks, fast and uncontrollable. Even knowing he was going to see her tonight he didn't know where this was going to go. He couldn't predict how he would feel, how she would feel. It was all an unknown but suddenly for the first time since that night in January it all made sense. Lifting his eyes he locked his with hers and watched her in simple awe. In unison he parted his lips to continue as he stuck his hand in his pocket and fumbled around a bit as he began to speak. Drawing a somewhat crumpled and most definitely aged photograph from his shorts he brought it into sight and twisted it a little in his grip. "I never got rid of it."


	12. Chapter 12: Never Had A Love Like Ours

**Chapter 12.**

Letting the enormity of his words sink in, the great, demanding weight that they carried, she couldn't help but beam at him. She was beaming in a way that was so unequivocally genuine, he wondered why they'd wasted so much time. Why he had. "So what...what are you saying?" She questioned him somewhat reluctantly, all the while watching his big brown eyes intently.

"I'm saying it seems pretty clear to me now that I never _really _got over you. I thought I had, I mean for fuck sake I'm married?!" Disbelief getting to him quickly now, he chuckled ironically at the realisation. "But apparently, Blake...I've never had a love like ours since and that's frightening but also exciting, you know if we can" he paused, letting a small but eager smile flicker over his lips "be what we were again." He wasn't sure if he was questioning her or himself. Regardless, she parted her lips slowly to respond, he stopped her, stepping a little closer. "But...I um…" he trailed off, wanting to be confident of his decision before saying something he would then swiftly regret. She searched him, her eyes scanning his face hopelessly, yearning to see some sort of hope in the lines of his expression. "I have a baby...on the way, Blake. I can't leave Domino right now." He was reluctant to meet her captivating stare, but he did so nonetheless, breaking him a little watching the sadness emerge on her face. "I have to be there for her, at least until our baby has arrived." He wanted to touch her arm with his hand, to stroke her a little to show comfort and love when his words were so much the opposite. But he didn't, it was simply too dangerous for right now. Instead he settled for a smile, though within a matter of seconds he could see her eyes beginning to gloss over. "Hey, look I'm not saying I don't want to be with you, Blake because as much as I never saw this day coming I think...I think you're my soulmate. And I never believed in soulmates..you know that" he chuckled, "and in reality, I don't even now, but um…" he scratched the back of his head all the while adorning a somewhat childish grin. "Look at how we got back here. I mean, if that's not fate I don't know what is." He pursed his lips as he stared deeply into her eyes, sending messages straight to her soul. "What I'm saying in a rather complex and twisted way is...I didn't want you to wait for me before. You wanted to start a family and there was no way I was ready for that...but um...I guess what I'm asking is...can you wait for me this time?" He felt an ever so slight blow to the stomach when he uttered the last few words of his rather romantic monologue, fearing her rejection would be just a little too much for his broken soul to handle. At first he wasn't sure what she was thinking, worried that his words were not enough and his actions being so distilled and almost non existent he thought he had not done enough. However, somehow, like a bolt of lightening her woeful eyes and twitching hands relaxed and she was smiling at him once again. Nodding so confidently with a beam so bright he could feel himself shaking with emotion now too. "I'll wait for you." She stepped towards him bravely and there was only a mere few inches between them. She parted her lips once more to continue "Because I-" he cut her off with his finger, placing it firmly on her lips. "Not now...we'll save that for another time, okay?" He was trying to smile at her though his hatred for his own actions were heavy. He wanted her to let her continue speaking with all his might but he wanted them to wait. It would mean more when he could act on it. "But...I want to tell you" she was doing that sexy thing with her lips now and he could feel his knees begin to quake. "Don't. Because if you do...I will..._have_ to kiss you. And I…" pushing his tongue to the corner of his mouth, he hesitated once more. "I _can't _do that right now. I don't wanna be that guy, Blake." Moments passed and their longing stare displayed the enormity of their complex emotions. "I understand" her smile was weak but her heart was stronger, stronger than ever. "I think...I should go." His eyes twitched in irritance as he watched her hair sway to the side as her body twisted for the door. He was behind her in a blink. He wanted to do something. To act. To grab her and kiss her and pour his love into his hands and his lips but he knew he couldn't, so he settled for words instead. "I'll call you...when Domino's had the baby...and then we can um" he couldn't wipe the beam from his face and he was smirking gleefully at her. "We can uh...you know talk about this or…" his eyes shot upwards and he laughed almost tragically, hating himself for what he was about to say. "...not talk about this." She was laughing now, a proper Blake Lively laugh and in that moment he knew why he'd never got rid of that picture. Up until now he had forgotten how much he used to love her, but now he knew and he was so...thankful he remembered. "For the record…" she closed the distance between them a little "I'm opting for the second option…" her lips were twisted and her eyes were demanding and full of lust. He gulped at the sight, feeling a slight tightness in his shorts he grabbed for the door, brushing his face past her hair in the process. "Bye, Blake." She sniggered a little under her breath, impressed by his undeniable powers of restraint. Replying with a blissful smile, she spoke "bye, beautiful."

She was close to her car now but she wanted to look at him one last time, gazing at her longingly from the porch. She tilted her head and smiled warmly at him, watching his eyes catch the faint light from the dark sky. He swallowed all the while keeping his eyes fixated on her, a little mesmerised by her and the power she held over him. She blew him a kiss before giving him a small wave goodbye. He bowed his head and inhaled deeply, feeling suddenly shattered by their encounter. Though his heart was heavy and his mind was running rampid, his smile did not fade. For he knew it would not fade until he saw her again, it would lay resting unapologetically behind his exterior waiting for their second chance to begin.

* * *

"Hi…" her voice sounded weak and fragile and this had not gone unnoticed.

"Hey...are you um, are you okay? You sound a little upset?" the need to announce his life changing news subsided rapidly as concern swept through him.

"Yeah...yeah I um...I just got a call from my attorney. She sent off the divorce papers this morning, they should get to me by Thursday.." Though her tones were still weak and fragile there was an undertone of anticipation.

"Wow." He paused letting the weight of her words land quickly on his shoulders. He breathed heavily. "Wow, Blake, that's huge. How do you feel?"

She pressed her lips together in contemplation, allowing her musings to come for fruition and to come to realise her own feelings. "I don't know, really. ...A mixture of things I suppose. I'm sad, nostalgic, I'm...a little bit heartbroken." And the sound of her own words broke his heart a little too and the sense of anticipation in her voice was not something he had picked up on, for he could not hear past the despair in her voice. "But...I'm excited too." A small smile crept over her lips and though he could not see it...for the first time, he relaxed a little. Rubbing his forehead as he too came to terms with his feelings and the moment surrounding them. "Yeah...well I'm glad you're excited, you should be...I am too actually..." Her smile quickly widened though she was unaware he was not excited for the reasons she had hoped. "I'm uh...officially a Dad."

"Oh...oh wow." She tried to sound thrilled, to demonstrate happiness and enthusiasm through her tone but somehow that was hopelessly impossible. "Penn, that's amazing. I'm so...so happy for you." On the exterior she was smiling but underneath it all her stomach was in knots for the fear she had made an irreversible mistake. What if he'd changed his mind? But somehow she plucked up the courage to put him first and display a brave face. "So is everything okay? With Dominio and the baby?"

"Yeah, it is. Everyone is fine. Well…." he paused "except me." The knots in her stomach tightened. "You see I uh, I've just had a baby with my wife…" his tongue glazed over his upper lip as he reflected on what he was about to say. "But I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend."

Blake's smile immediately transformed into a wild beam. "Oh...well Zoe is one lucky lady" she joked.

"Not her." He was beaming now too and for the first time since he saw her last, he felt content.

"Kayla?"

"Nope wrong again."

"Do you want me to go through them all?" Talking to him was like waking up from a deep and uncomfortable sleep and just hearing his voice sent butterflies to her stomach.

"No." He laughed a little before continuing. "Do you have any plans Saturday night?"

"No...although Robyn and I were going to have a game night. I bought Scrabble."

"I know how much you like a game night but...I don't think you're gonna wanna miss this. Meet me in Tribeca. Saturday night. 8pm. I'll text you the address. Okay?" His voice was coy but confident and she could almost see the smirk on his face.

"Yeah...okay."

"Good."

Though his confidence was paramount and his delight was evident she could still hear a slight sense of trepidation in his voice. "Hey, Penn?"

"Yeah?"

"It's gonna be okay. I promise." Letting air escape audibly from his nose he smiled once more.

"You still know me, don't you?"

"Always" she muttered softly.

* * *

It felt like the longest drive of her life, though in reality it had been less than 45 minutes, her persistent thoughts and churning stomach made the journey almost unbearable. Though, in spite of all of that she was the most excited she had been in a long time. Her pulse rate quickened as her sat nav warned her she was close to her destination. It was a quiet street for New York, filled with quaint, yet attractive townhouses and the odd person bumbling along. After making a few more turns, she pulled up outside. Seeing that the driveway was uninhabited filled her with trepidation. Was he even here yet? It was five minutes to eight and he was never one for being late. But then it dawned on her, perhaps he had become a subway guy now? Giving herself a quick glance in the rear view mirror she flicked at a few strands of hair and pulled Guerlain's N'22 Satin from her purse for a top up. She spent the next few moments plumping up her lips and attentively checking her appearance before taking in one long, deep breath. She caught her reflection in the mirror once more and a weighty beam fell over her lips. She looked good and she knew it. Filled with this much needed confidence boost she clasped hold of her clutch, took a hold of her keys and made her way out of the car and towards the house.


End file.
